When I say professional athlete, I mean someone like Tom Brady, Peyton Manning or LeBron James.
By professional entertainer, I mean, a movie star, TV personality, singer, dancer, and so on.
What’s the difference between the entertainer and athlete?
It’s very simple. You sometimes see athletes at their worst. But you don’t see entertainers at their worst. At least, you don’t think you do.
When you see LeBron when he can’t buy a basket, or when you saw Peyton spend a Sunday afternoon on his ass, you knew you were seeing these athletes at their worst.
When you see Taylor Swift performing on the stage, you automatically assume you’re seeing her at her best.
Here’s the contradiction. When you see performers, movie stars and TV actors, you automatically assume they’re at their best. In reality, the entertainer may go back stage afterwords and say, “I wasn’t worth a shit today!” You’d never know it from an entertainer. If an athlete said the same thing, you’d already know it.
One thing that haunted me over and over again when I was a kid was this concept known as the Government.
I’m not complaining about our government. I’m only questioning why it’s called, Government. The terminology at the Federal level makes no sense at all.
Federal Government (???) and State Government
I’ve always been perfectly OK with the authoritative body of each of the States being referred to as the Government. Think about it. The leader of a State is, the Governor. In all States, the Governor is the head of the Government. This makes perfectly good sense. The title of the head man implies this.
Governor >>>>>>> Government
Then, I started thinking. Why is the Federal authoritative body called the Government. The head man is not the Governor. He’s the President. Why isn’t it called the Presiment?
President >>>>>>> Presiment
At first, I thought this was my fourth grade teacher’s way of trying to deliberately pissing me off.
Finally, I just came to terms with it, accepted it and said,
Screw IT !
To get a beach body, all you need are 2 things:
Last week, I went to the local gym where I’m a member, and signed up for an exercise class. I was really looking forward to getting back in shape.
So much for the exercise class
When I got there, class was about to begin. The instructor said to me, “When you signed up for this class, weren’t you told to wear some loose fitting clothes? I’m afraid you’ll have to go home and change.”
I said, “Hell! If I had any loose fitting clothes, I wouldn’t have had to sign up for this damn class in the first place!”
BIRTH: Given to people by other people
NAME: Given to people by other people
EDUCATION: Given to people by other people
INCOME: Given to people by other people
THE OFFICE OF PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Given to people by other people
RESPECT: Given to people by other people
FRIENDS, LIKES & FOLLOWS ON FACEBOOK: Given to people by other people
FIRST & LAST BATH: Will be given to people by other people
AFTER DEATH, YOUR PROPERTY & BELONGINGS: Will be taken from people by other people
FUNERAL SERVICE: Will be done for people by other people
I can’t imagine why people have ego problems during their lives.
When three men are in a bar, drinking, you’re likely to hear all sorts of crazy stuff.
3 men bragging about their sons
Three men were really feeling good. They decided to have a conversation about their sons, to see which dad had the most to be proud of. The first man bragged on his son by saying, “My son is an offensive lineman for the New England Patriots.” The second man said, “That’s very impressive, but wait till you hear about my son. He’s one of the best cardiac surgeons in the country. He’s been responsible for saving many lives.” The first man said, “Wow, that’s also impressive.
The third man didn’t open his mouth until one of the other two said, “You haven’t told us about your son. What does he do?” He replied, “My son is Gay. He works as an accountant for the LogoTV Network.”
One of the other two men said, “That’s too bad. Aren’t you ashamed of him?” He said, “Not at all. He’s my son, and I love him. And he hasn’t done so bad. Two years ago, on his 24th birthday, he moved into a $2 million house on the beach, got a brand new Porsche and took a long vacation to Europe. These were birthday presents from his 3 boyfriends.”
Can you imagine buying a brand new Mercedes, in show room condition, for only $300? It happened to one gentleman. This is a true story.
Brand new Mercedes for $300 – Impossible?
The gentleman needed a new car for transportation. He went to Craigslist, and found an ad listing a brand new Mercedes, in show room condition, with 1,200 miles, for $300. Even though the man was aware of scammers on Craigslist, he thought it would be a good idea to check this out.
The contact was a nice lady who told him, “What you read is exactly what it is. Come over and look at it. I’ll hold it for you.”
The man went to see the lady. Sure enough, the Mercedes was exactly like it was listed in the ad. He gave her the $300, got a bill of sale and drove away.
Before he left the lady, he asked her, “Just out of curiosity, how can you sell me a brand new Mercedes for only $300?”
The lady said, “That car belonged to my husband. He had two cars. He left me a week ago, and drove off with his new Cadillac and his secretary. Before I placed the ad, he sent me an email, telling me to sell the Mercedes and send him the money.”
This old man wanted to join a church. He walked into the church office and said to the secretary, “Hey, I want to join this damn church.”
The secretary said, “I beg your pardon, Sir?” The old man replied, “I said I wanted to join this damn church.” The secretary said, “We don’t condone any profanity here. Let me get the preacher.”
A few minutes later, the preacher came in and said, “Sir, is there a problem?”
The old man said, “I told her I wanted to join this damn church. You see, I just won $200 million dollars in the Powerball Lottery, and I’m rich as hell. I want to get rid of some of my money.”
And the preacher said, “What happened? Did that bitch give you a hard time?
Cucumbers are the ultimate health food. They’re high in fiber, not fattening, and they taste good, if you can develop a taste for the damn things.
There are 5 other things you probably didn’t know about cucumbers.
They dissolve kidney and bladder stones
They heal stomach ulcers
They relieve headaches
They promote healthy skin
Finally, they make you piss like crazy.
Here are the 6 rules of life
1. Be kind to others. Assume that others are doing the best they possibly can.
2 Be kind to yourself. I assume you are doing the best you possibly can.
3. Never be satisfied. If you do the best you possibly can, do it better. Reach deep down. There’s always more.
4. Be willing to let things go. Forgive yourself first. Then, forgive others for their screw-ups. People are human, and this includes you.
5. If you follow these first 4 rules, SMILE! It should all be working out the way you want it to.
6. If you’re walking around with your Head up your Ass, start with number 1 and read these damn rules over and over again.
More Wild and Crazy Stuff