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The worst feeling in the world – This makes you look forward to a hangover

hangoverIt’s almost a person’s sacred duty to get drunk occasionally

Rule Number 1: If you want to get drunk, go ahead. Just make sure you stay at home, out of danger, and don’t drive. I see no problem with this. It’s a person’s sacred duty to do this every once in a while.

Rule Number 2: If you decide to get drunk, do not, I repeat, DO NOT get drunk on wine. It you decide not to take my advice, let me give you a description of what you have to look forward to.

This makes a hangover feel like a picnic

If you’ve never been drunk on wine, this is something you have to experience to believe.

You don’t really feel any different at first. Then, you try to sleep if off. Suddenly, you feel something moving. You can’t tell if it’s the bed, the covers, the mattress, the room or the house. It’s worse then being in the Twilight Zone. You can’t stay in that bed, so you go to the place where you think you’ll get relief, but I’m afraid you’re in for a disappointment.

You do to the bathroom. You have to go. And when I say go, I really mean go. You sit on the toilet. The problem is, you also need a toilet in front of you.

That’s right. You have it coming out of both ends of your body at the same time. And that, my friend, is

The Worst Feeling in the World!

This has happened to me twice in my life. You may be asking, “Why did you do it a second time?” I guess I could say that I was young, cocky, and didn’t believe it the first time.

Both times, I was never more happy to have a hangover in my life!

You better be careful where you pee

bidetYou better not pee in that bidet

When I was in the eighth grade, I attended a wedding in a mansion in Selma, Alabama. At the time, I’d never been out of the hot house.

We were given a tour of the house. When we were in the bathroom, I saw something similar to the picture to the left. I asked my mother, of all people, why there were two toilets in the bathroom. She decided to have some fun with me by saying, “That’s a urinal.” Then I thought, “This must be how rich people live.

Later, I found out this was a bidet, the gadget that women use to take a douche. Before I found this out, I said to my mother, thinking this was a urinal, “Good. I have to pee.”

I’ll never forget what she said to me.

“You better not pee in that. If you do, it will pee back at you.

When Ex Presidents are sent out to pasture

ex-presidentsEx Presidents live a life of luxury

Several years ago, I read a newspaper article about the tax dollars spent on all of the Ex Presidents. At the time, Nixon and Ford were alive.

For President Nixon, the government spent money for subscriptions to every newspaper, and business and financial magazine in the Country.

For President Ford, I remember that the government bought him several pairs of scissors, ranging over $20 thousand.

What I remember most about the article was, the government bought over 200 chairs for President Carter. Some chairs cost more than $600.

I have no problem with this. After all, they were Ex Presidents, and were entitled to what the government purchased for them. However, there was one thing I really had a problem with.

Why did President Carter need 200 chairs? He only has one ass.

There’s one thing in horror movies that insults our intelligence

horror-moviesI love watching horror movies. I especially like the scenes when the bad guy comes into someone’s house to attack them. This always puts me on the edge of my seat.

Who created these villain scenes in horror movies? A moron?

There’s something I’ve never understood. When the people in the house being attacked believes there’s someone in the house, they always shout out, “Hello! Is there someone there?

Come on, Mr. Director! Give me a break! Do these people really expect the villain to answer them? Show some originality.

I have a suggestion. If the writer wanted a movie to be original, he would have the villain answer,

“Yeah! I’m in here taking a crap! As soon as I wash my hands, I’ll come out and kill you!”

There are some people in the world who remind me of a slinky

slinkyWhat some people & a slinky have in common

Some people in this world are drab, boring. There’s nothing to them. Such is the case with a slinky.

Both are not really good for much, But they have one thing in common. If you push them and watch them roll down the stairs, they sure do bring a little happiness to your life.

Old Catholic priest tried to pick my brain about confession

confessionWhen I was a small boy, about the age of 7, I was being brought up as a Catholic. One of the priests I knew was a man by the name of Father Nicholas. He was a cool guy, with a sense of humor.

Later on, I found out my grandfather kept him very happy by bringing him a fifth of bourbon every week. So, to Father Nicholas, my family could do no wrong. This was over 50 years ago, and Father Nicholas was an old man then. I’m sure he has died, and I have a feeling he died with a smile on his face.

 

Father’s sense of humor backfired

One day, Father Nicholas decided to pick my brain apart. Here’s our conversation.

Father: ‘Are you a good boy?’

Me: ‘Yes Father.’

Father: ‘What do you do if you commit a mortal sin?’

Me: ‘I go to confession.’

Father: ‘What if you die before you go to confession?’

Me: ‘I go to hell.’

Father: ‘What will you do then?’

Me: ‘I go to confession.’

Father: ‘Well, who’s going to hear your confession?’

Me: ‘Father Nicholas.’

There is a way to prevent acne, but why bother?

acneA simple ‘waste of time’ remedy for acne

There’s a way to prevent acne, so I’ve read. It is said, if you turn the water to cold at the end of your shower, this will prevent acne. The cold water is supposed to seal your pores, preventing dirt and bacteria from entering your skin.

That’s all well and good, but who cares?

When you reach the age of 21, the acne will disappear anyway. Have you ever heard of anyone spending their Social Security check on an acne remedy?

In the meantime, you’ve been freezing your ass off, for nothing.

The difference between the favor doer and the favor receiver

favorEvery time someone does a major, life-changing favor for another person, there is always a difference in attitude.

The person who receives the favor remembers it until they are in their grave.

The person who does the favor forgets it 5 minutes after the favor is done.

This Video about the afterlife scared the HELL out of me-Literally, I hope

This is the most accurate account you’ll ever see of what happens when someone has an “out of body” experience of the afterlife. In this video of a true story, Daniel experiences both heaven and hell. Only one thing in this video is true. This is at the 10 minute 4 second mark.

Watch this video, and read the description of what’s actually happening to Daniel.

Afterlife experiences are the work of the devil

Face it, the devil is here, on this earth. He’s desperate because we’re a threat to him and he knows the end is coming.

The devil is the father of all liars. He also knows the truth. What the devil does in this video is worse than lying. He mixes lies with the truth. The truth is, “You reap what you sow.” The angel was right. If Daniel can’t forgive, he can’t be forgiven.

Another thing that caught my attention was, the angel  didn’t have the authority to pass judgement on Daniel, which he didn’t do. He was a messenger sent to help Daniel save his ass. Listen to what the angel said about forgiveness, and what ever you do, please practice it. Take the rest of the video with a grain of salt. After all, the only person who saw the real heaven before he died was Paul the Apostle, and he was ordered not to talk to anyone about what he saw.

Finally, you must see the irony in this video. Satan is out to destroy us all. Sometimes, he implies the truth, but surrounds it with lies. Focus on the one truth in this video, and forget the rest. Learning to forgive could save you. The result will be, Satan setting out to destroying us, and having it backfire right back in his face.

I’ve received a few emails claiming that Merjeo is the work of the devil. Now you know better!

Recent Presidential Election was good for Facebook procrastinators

presidential-electionPresidential Election came at opportune time for Facebook users

As a Facebook user, have you ever thought of taking an inventory of your friends periodically? Some people who take the time to do this go through their list of friends, and decide who they want to keep, and who they want to unfriend. This takes time, and a person has to be motivated to do this.

Thanks to the recent presidential election, the Facebook procrastinators came out in the open.

After Donald Trump was elected President, I’ve seen more people unfriended on Facebook that I’ve ever seen before.

Since the presidential election, we’ve had a divided country. It appears that we now have a divided Facebook.

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