Crazy Internet, March 22nd, 2017

Is is OK to LIKE your own Facebook Page? Did Trump vote for himself?

facebook pageOf course it is. What’s the point of going to all the trouble to create a Facebook Page if you’re not going to like it? It’s yours. You better like it, otherwise, you’re not playing with a full deck.

Let me ask another question. If a guy is running for President, isn’t  he going to vote for himself? My two points are,

Don’t run for President as a Republican and vote for the Democrat.

Don’t go to the trouble of creating a Facebook Fan Page if you’re not going to like the damn thing.

 

Relationships, March 22nd, 2017

How would you feel if your 14-year-old daughter got pregnant

pregnantEmail from a Merjeo reader:

The first thing I did was shake my head, and then shouted, “Girl, are you crazy!” Then, I told her I love her, and that nothing she could do will ever change that. I also reminded her that I’m not just pissed. I’m passed pissed.

Then, I reminded her that she’s going to be in for a rude awakening. When born, the baby will be mine, not hers, and I will adopt it myself.  She won’t have custody regardless.

Finally, I’ll hunt down the father, and politely explain to him that for the next 18 years, his paycheck is mine, or he’ll go to jail. At first, I thought about killing him and hiding the body, but I don’t want to go to prison. I have a kid to raise. I’d rather make him wish he were dead, which is exactly what I intend to do. For the next 18 years, I own him. His ass is mine!


Response from Merjeo:

Calm down. There’s a solution to this problem.

Find her a future husband. Find a good man you know, like and trust. Since she’s only 14, you have time on your side. And don’t rule out the father. Sit down with him and have a friendly discussion. He may not be a gad guy. He just screwed up. She may give you a hard time and say something like, “Daddy, you have no right to interfere with my life!

Your response to this should be, “BULL SHIT! You’ve tried it your way and you’ve messed up. Now, we’ll try it my way!

Take the father’s paycheck. He is responsible.

The child is what’s most important. This way, the child can grow up in a healthy family environment. Who knows? Your daughter may turn out to be a good mother.

Let's Do Business, March 22nd, 2017

How good are you at Rolling the Dice ?

rolling the diceRolling the Dice – Here are the rules

Every time you roll the dice you get $3 million.

If the dice lands on double sixes, you will go to jail for 30 years, but you still get the $3 million.

Would you play? Is so, how many times would you roll?

Here’s some alternatives

Negotiate! Don’t negotiate money. Negotiate years. Ask for 10 years jail time. If you’re in your twenties or even your thirties, you’ll still be young when you get out, and you are set for the rest of your life. And just think about the interest you will earn while you are in jail. Also, consider that you might get lucky and never land on double sixes. If so, how many times would you roll?

If you can’t get the years down, don’t roll, unless you are over the age of 70. At least you will spend the rest of your life with someone else taking care of you, and your family will be set for life.

If you can’t get the money up and the years down, consider playing, but on one condition. You can use your own dice.

Finally, Don’t play at all, which is my best advice. The House Always Winssssssssssssss!

Crazy Internet, March 22nd, 2017

Have you ever wondered why people don’t read spam email?

spam-email

Let's Do Business, March 22nd, 2017

Follow the leader-Who do you want to follow-Think before you answer

followBe careful who you follow

This does not apply to Twitter or Facebook. Although, following the wrong people on these platforms could get you in trouble, it’s not likely. I’m talking about the real world, brick & mortar, face-to-face, or whatever you want to call it.

Last Friday evening, I watched the TV Special on ABCTruth and Lies: The Family Manson. This made me think about choosing the right people to follow as role models. Granted, Charles Manson is not exactly a role model, but the people in his crime family thought he was God.

When you follow someone, here’s what can happen

The people who followed Charles Manson ended up with life sentences in prison.

The people who followed Richard Scrushy when he was the CEO of HealthSouth ended up with 5 to 10 year sentences in prison.

The people who followed Jeffrey Skilling, former CEO of the Enron Corporation, ended up with much longer sentences in prison.

Finally, the people who follow Bill Gates, co founder of Microsoft, end up in the top 5 on the Fortune 500 list.

Be careful who you follow.

Odd, Strange & Funny, March 22nd, 2017

Top 17 funny questions that get people pissed off at each other

top 17 funny questionsAre zippers better than velcro?

Why are the buttons on men’s shirts on the right, but on women’s blouses, on the left?

Do parents spank their kids enough?

Should the legal drinking age be lowered to 18?

If croutons are stale bread, why are they stored in cellophane?

Does the hot dog qualify as a sandwich?

Why do people press harder on a remote control when they know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee for insufficient funds when they know there is not enough money in the account?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

When people look for something they’ve lost, why do they look in pockets of clothes they haven’t worn in years?

Should the Pope start wearing a different style hat?

Could Sarah Palin whip President Obama in a street fight?

Should Medicaid cover breast implants?

Are sagging pants genuinely fashionable attire?

And the number one question is: Could you survive for 30 days without your smart phone?

BS or NOT? You Decide, March 19th, 2017

Is it dangerous to have sex with your cousin?

sex with your cousinEmail from Merjeo reader:

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, my cousin is 31, I’m 18, and she really likes me a lot.

I want to have sex with her so bad, I can hardly stand it. Yesterday we were kissing. Then I stopped her because I felt it wasn’t the right thing to do. I’ve heard that our children might have Down Syndrome or something like that if I do anything with her. Is this BS or NOT?

I do like her, but I can’t have a family because of that. I won’t put my penis anywhere near her body.


Merjeo’s response:

Actually, your kids will grow up with a superior IQ. This also happens when pregnant women are on steroids. There’s only one side effect. The kids are psychotic. And speaking of psychotic, have you checked your marbles lately?

You’re saying you want to raise a family with your cousin. You have to be out of your mind. I think either your parents are cousins, or, your mother was on steroids when she was pregnant with you.

I’m sorry to break it to you Pal, but your cousin is toying with you, laughing and enjoying every minute of it. If you have sex with her, it would be nothing more than a training session. In other words, she’ll give you sex lessons.

Stop dreaming!

Relationships, March 19th, 2017

Is it rape if you have sex with someone who thinks you are someone else?

fiancéEmail from Merjeo Reader:

I just found out my twin sister has had a crush on my yet to be announced fiancé for the longest time. Our engagement party is next week.

I was wondering if it was okay if I let my twin sleep with him before then. We haven’t asked my fiancé about this yet, but my sister is very excited, I doubt he’d even notice, we both look and sound the same and have very similar names. I’m Kathy and she’s Cat. We were named Katherine & Catherine. Our parents thought it was funny.

So will it work? We won’t get into trouble with the cops though, will we?


Response from Merjeo:

You can ask this question to a cop, but he’ll probably laugh at you. Just to play it safe, you might want to ask your lawyer. My guess is, he’ll also laugh and tell you, “I don’t know.” You’d better be worried about getting in trouble with your fiancé.

I have a suggestion. Level with him. Tell him the truth. Then, if he’s cool with it, you can have a threesome, and play cat and mouse.

While this is not my style, let me add that the best man at my wedding had sex with another woman on the night of his bachelor party, and they have been married 45 years.

Odd, Strange & Funny, March 19th, 2017

Teach a man how to fish and you’ve created a monster

Teach a Man How to FishTeach a Man How to Fish – Very common when people ask others for help

The idea is simple. The person who is giving someone help and guidance could just give him a fish. The problem is, he will eat the fish, and come back for more.

Don’t just give him a fish. Show him how to get his own fish, and he’ll never mess with you again. Otherwise, you’ll never get rid of him.

Adaptions to the expression, Teach a Man How to Fish

  • Teach a man how to hold a gun, and he will rob a bank.
  • Teach a man how to run a bank, and he will rob the World.
  • Teach a man how to shoot a gun, and he will kill someone.
  • Teach a man how to seduce a woman, and he will take your wife.
  • Teach a man about sex, and he will screw you royally.

 

 

Odd, Strange & Funny, March 19th, 2017

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure – Be careful who you say this to

One mans trash another mans treasureTwo situations when you would never use this expression

  • Never say this to your adopted son
  • Never say this to the woman you married

Two more situations when you can use this expression

  • When you’re about to get a divorce
  • If you own a business, when you’re about to fire someone
Religion, March 12th, 2017

Man evolved from apes and the monkey – I’m sure I know why

apesWhat was wrong with the apes and the monkey?

I’ve always wondered why man evolved from apes. During this time, I’ve asked myself two questions:

  • First, why did God create man?
  • Second, if man evolved from apes, why are apes still around?

I have the answers to both.

  • First, God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.
  • Second, the ape is still around because one day, God may decide to change things back to the way they were.