Strange, but people like to say, “Go back where you came from”

go back where you came fromLike the pot calling the kettle black

Not many people in America has the right to tell someone “Go back where you came from.

Almost everyone came from somewhere. The only ones who didn’t come from somewhere else are the Indians. They are the only ones who have to right to say this.

Have you ever heard an Indian tell someone,

“Go back where you came from!”

Is it possible to get something for nothing? Of course it is

something for nothingWhere did all this stuff come from? Osmosis?

When the world first started, there was:

  • No food
  • No money
  • No building materials
  • No plans
  • No designs
  • No dreams
  • No luck

There was nothing. So, why is their prosperity today?

The cave man pulled it out of his ass.

Why people use a middle initial instead of a middle name

middle initialSome middle initials are old or weird names?

I know someone whose middle name is Dorothy. She’s only 18. Her parents are either Wizard of Oz fanatics or insane.

I also knew someone whose middle name was Stanley. He got his ass kicked at school every day. With an old, grandfather type name like that, he’s just asking for it.

My family doctor’s middle name is Patrick. How many people do you know who are addressed as Patrick?

I once knew someone whose firsts name was Dominic. His middle name was Joe, so that’s cool. To simplify the situation, he just identified himself as D.J. That’s even more cool. This guy had it together.

Finally, there’s O.J. Simpson. Remember him? O.J. stands for Orenthal James. Holy shit.

Now you know why people use a middle initial instead of a middle name.

A word to the environmentalists

environmentalistsIf you are a liberal how would you fix the environment?

Humans and animals are living longer.

People have healthier lungs thanks to everyone seeing the light about cigarettes.

Skin cancer is declining. People can be treated before ailments, as opposed to dying 60 years ago.

We are no longer in the ice age.

So how would you make it better?

Tell the environmentalists to stop finding something to bitch about.

Have you ever tried to make sense out of some dreams?

dreamsThere is a very good reason why most dreams make no sense

Suppose you have a dream, and then, wake up and immediately remember your dream.

You try to sort it out. Most of the time, you come to the conclusion that your dream made absolutely no sense at all.

But think about this. In the Bible, when Jesus fed 5 thousand people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, did this make any sense?

The two most spectacular events on the planet

spectacular events2 Spectacular Events – One happy and one sad

You haven’t lived until you’ve attended both of these events. One is an Italian Wedding, and the other is a Black Funeral.

Italian Wedding

Being Italian, I’ve been to a bunch of these. Some of them began at 6PM and didn’t end until 2PM the next afternoon. I’m not BS’ing you.

You have to see it to believe it. At every Italian Wedding, you can be sure that there will be some drunk people who have to be carried out because they can’t walk. In fact, when planning an Italian Wedding, I’ve known of a few families that hired professionals to play the part of drunks to add more to the festive occasion. But most families don’t do this. There will be enough drunks there, and you will not be disappointed if you attend one of these spectacular events.

Black Funeral

There’s nothing on the planet like it. I’ve been to a bunch of these, and have always walked away feeling better. If you watched the funeral of James Brown on TV about 11 years ago, you have a pretty good idea of what they’re like. This was no exaggeration.

The last one I attended was for a friend by the name of Sam Smith. At the beginning, a preacher, about 7 feet tall stood up and said, “You’ll notice the program doesn’t say ‘The Late Sam Smith’. Brother Smith’s not late. Brother Smith’s on time. We’re the ones who are late.” I knew this was going to be a festive event. It was as good as the funeral of James Brown, and it lasted about 3 hours. No one was in a hurry to leave.

Finally, I know something for a fact. In a business I owned several years ago, I had many clients that were black funeral homes. I was told more than once that the funeral directors actually hire actors to play the part of grieving family members.

That’s what a black funeral is like – plenty of celebration, and lots of screaming. There’s nothing like it.

Why are smart people so quiet? I can give 9 reasons

smart-people9 reasons smart people are so quiet

  • They’re thinking of ways to strangle someone with the belt of their pants without anyone noticing it.
  • They’re waiting for the room they’re in to run out of oxygen, while they’re close to the exit for a grand escape.
  • They’re thinking, “What the hell have I done to deserve being around these morons?”
  • They’re trying to make sense of what everyone else is saying, but can’t.
  • They are slowly trying to leave the room without anyone noticing.
  • They don’t agree with what’s going on in relationships, and since they were younger, decided it’s better to go home and write about it.
  • They’re trying to prevent themselves from dying from boredom.
  • They’re always thinking about the part they can play in carving this Country up, piece by piece.
  • For everyone they meet, they’re thinking about how they can screw them in a business deal.

Sometimes I think I’m seeing things, even with my eyes closed

seeing thingsSeeing things that are not really there, or are they?

Many times, when I’m lying down and relaxing with my eyes closed, I have the strangest experiences. I’m actually seeing things. This is not BS.

I see ugly faces. If you’re reading this, you may think I’m crazy. But I’m telling you the truth. The ugly faces I see are similar to the image on the left. The only thing that’s certain is, I’ve never seen the same face twice.

At first, I thought demons were invading me, Then, I said, “Hell, I didn’t ask them to come here.

Several years ago, when I was attending graduate school in New Orleans, someone I met at school told me that he prayed a lot. Every time he prayed, he said, he saw faces that were so ugly that it scared him to death. This guy scared me to death because I thought he was nuts. Now, the same thing is happening to me.

Am I nuts? Hell no, but I know what I see. Is this BS or NOT? You don’t have to decide. I’ll decide. It’s not because, again, I know what I see. Is this Deja Vu?

BS or NOT

Mystery of Dreams that blows you mind

dreamsWhen did I have this dream?

Have you ever remembered a dream you had, but couldn’t remember when you had it?

Sometimes you remember a dream. Then, you ask,

“I know I had this dream, but when?

Was it last night?

Maybe it was two weeks ago.

It’s possible I could have had it a year ago.”

You don’t know exactly when you had the dream. Every time you think of a time when you had it, it seems perfectly logical. The only thing you don’t know for sure is, when you had this dream. This is strange. Does this have anything to do with Deja Vu?

Forget the mystical phenomenon about the tree in the forest

mystical phenomenonThe oldest mystical phenomenon known to man is:

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, is there any noise?

More original mystical phenomenon ‘s

When you walk from one room in your house to another room, is the room you just left still there?

When you look at a tall building, and then take your eyes off it and look at another building, is the first building you looked at still there?

After you leave your home in the morning to go to work, and kiss your wife goodbye, does your wife still exist?

 

Finally, when you’re relaxing, and alone, is the rest of the world there?

Summary

Are things there just so we can see them? Are things not there when we’re not around to see them?

The answer to the question about the tree is,

“NO ! If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, there is NO noise. Noise is an unpleasant sound that causes disturbance. If there’s no one around to disturb, there is NO noise.”

The worst feeling in the world – This makes you look forward to a hangover

hangoverIt’s almost a person’s sacred duty to get drunk occasionally

Rule Number 1: If you want to get drunk, go ahead. Just make sure you stay at home, out of danger, and don’t drive. I see no problem with this. It’s a person’s sacred duty to do this every once in a while.

Rule Number 2: If you decide to get drunk, do not, I repeat, DO NOT get drunk on wine. It you decide not to take my advice, let me give you a description of what you have to look forward to.

This makes a hangover feel like a picnic

If you’ve never been drunk on wine, this is something you have to experience to believe.

You don’t really feel any different at first. Then, you try to sleep if off. Suddenly, you feel something moving. You can’t tell if it’s the bed, the covers, the mattress, the room or the house. It’s worse then being in the Twilight Zone. You can’t stay in that bed, so you go to the place where you think you’ll get relief, but I’m afraid you’re in for a disappointment.

You do to the bathroom. You have to go. And when I say go, I really mean go. You sit on the toilet. The problem is, you also need a toilet in front of you.

That’s right. You have it coming out of both ends of your body at the same time. And that, my friend, is

The Worst Feeling in the World!

This has happened to me twice in my life. You may be asking, “Why did you do it a second time?” I guess I could say that I was young, cocky, and didn’t believe it the first time.

Both times, I was never more happy to have a hangover in my life!