Man evolved from apes and the monkey – I’m sure I know why

apesWhat was wrong with the apes and the monkey?

I’ve always wondered why man evolved from apes. During this time, I’ve asked myself two questions:

  • First, why did God create man?
  • Second, if man evolved from apes, why are apes still around?

I have the answers to both.

  • First, God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.
  • Second, the ape is still around because one day, God may decide to change things back to the way they were.

Old Catholic priest tried to pick my brain about confession

confessionWhen I was a small boy, about the age of 7, I was being brought up as a Catholic. One of the priests I knew was a man by the name of Father Nicholas. He was a cool guy, with a sense of humor.

Later on, I found out my grandfather kept him very happy by bringing him a fifth of bourbon every week. So, to Father Nicholas, my family could do no wrong. This was over 50 years ago, and Father Nicholas was an old man then. I’m sure he has died, and I have a feeling he died with a smile on his face.

 

Father’s sense of humor backfired

One day, Father Nicholas decided to pick my brain apart. Here’s our conversation.

Father: ‘Are you a good boy?’

Me: ‘Yes Father.’

Father: ‘What do you do if you commit a mortal sin?’

Me: ‘I go to confession.’

Father: ‘What if you die before you go to confession?’

Me: ‘I go to hell.’

Father: ‘What will you do then?’

Me: ‘I go to confession.’

Father: ‘Well, who’s going to hear your confession?’

Me: ‘Father Nicholas.’

This Video about the afterlife scared the HELL out of me-Literally, I hope

This is the most accurate account you’ll ever see of what happens when someone has an “out of body” experience of the afterlife. In this video of a true story, Daniel experiences both heaven and hell. Only one thing in this video is true. This is at the 10 minute 4 second mark.

Watch this video, and read the description of what’s actually happening to Daniel.

Afterlife experiences are the work of the devil

Face it, the devil is here, on this earth. He’s desperate because we’re a threat to him and he knows the end is coming.

The devil is the father of all liars. He also knows the truth. What the devil does in this video is worse than lying. He mixes lies with the truth. The truth is, “You reap what you sow.” The angel was right. If Daniel can’t forgive, he can’t be forgiven.

Another thing that caught my attention was, the angel  didn’t have the authority to pass judgement on Daniel, which he didn’t do. He was a messenger sent to help Daniel save his ass. Listen to what the angel said about forgiveness, and what ever you do, please practice it. Take the rest of the video with a grain of salt. After all, the only person who saw the real heaven before he died was Paul the Apostle, and he was ordered not to talk to anyone about what he saw.

Finally, you must see the irony in this video. Satan is out to destroy us all. Sometimes, he implies the truth, but surrounds it with lies. Focus on the one truth in this video, and forget the rest. Learning to forgive could save you. The result will be, Satan setting out to destroying us, and having it backfire right back in his face.

I’ve received a few emails claiming that Merjeo is the work of the devil. Now you know better!

Sometimes, prayer is not the answer

prayerThis is a true story.

I once had a discussion with a Franciscan Friar.

In the Catholic Church, it is believed that the Priest performs a ritual, and changes the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, literally. Then, the people receive it as communion.

One day, we were having a few beers, feeling pretty good, and then we started talking some crazy stuff. I asked him this question, “If you’re in a burning building, in danger of dying, and there’s a priest around, can he just bless a piece of bread fast, without going through the entire ritual?”

He responded, “Why would you want him to do that?”

My answer was, “Because if I think I’m about to die, I would at least like to receive Communion before I die. This may increase my chances of getting into heaven.”

His answer to the question was, “I would think that receiving communion would be the last thing on your mind. What you should be more concerned about is SAVING YOUR ASS.”

 

Is Pope Francis serious about women, or blowing white smoke again?

pope-francis-considers-women-deacons

Will there be Women Deacons in the Catholic Church?

When a leader is approached with a new idea, and is not interested, the most popular brush off is to say, “I’ll consider it.”

I’ll consider climbing Mt. Everest next Monday. Will I really do it? Certainly not! I’m not going to kill myself.

Does this mean that the Catholic Church will ordain women deacons in the near future? Don’t count on it. This argument has been going on for at least 100 years. Pope Francis has done more than his predecessors, by considering it. But this is a far as it will go.

A deacon is one rank below a priest. They can do everything a priest can do, except, say mass and hear confession.

The Catholic Church is holding on to something that should be let go. That is, Tradition. The Pope, Bishops and Cardinals, point blank, don’t want women in the clergy. This argument will continue for the next 100 years and will only result in one thing – Pissing more women off.

women-deacons

Ex Surgeon becomes Priest, and suddenly shocks the hell out of everyone in the O.R.

Ex Surgeon Becomes Priest

Father Joe is a life long friend of mine. He’s been a general surgeon for over thirty years. With a specialty in
hemorrhoids, Father Joe is the best anal surgeon in the country.

I say that Father Joe is the best, because by special permission, he continues to practice medicine and perform surgeries. But there was a time when he wondered if he’d ever see an operating room again. Continue reading Ex Surgeon becomes Priest, and suddenly shocks the hell out of everyone in the O.R.

Heaven is like Life is now, with 3 Major Differences

Heaven will have life’s best moments but not the worst

heaven-yankee-stadiumThe most enthusiastic baseball fan attended his first game in Yankee Stadium during the 1950’s. He walked into this historical monument and said, “This is what Heaven will be like.” The avid golfer said the same thing when he visited Winged Foot Country Club the first time. What do these two examples have in common? They were  both breath-taking experiences.

The first time I ate at Stevi B’s Pizza Buffet, would you like to guess what I said? If you guessed, “This is what Heaven will be like”, you’re one hundred percent right. Although this is not your usual breath-taking experience, I enjoyed every minute I was there, and I still do every time I visit this wonderful restaurant.

Life would be so perfect, if only . . .

heaven-winged-foot-golf-clubFamous baseball stadiums, beautiful golf courses. the finest places to eat, and the many other things people associate with happiness are in this life, and right in front of us. Life does have its great moments.

Unfortunately, there are distractions in everyday life that make it far from perfect. Heaven will be very different. All of the distractions, corruption, indecision, lack of knowledge, and the many other twists and turns that life throws at us will no longer exist.

 

3 things that will be different in Heaven

Continue reading Heaven is like Life is now, with 3 Major Differences

Federal Prison was a breeze. Catholic Seminary was a living hell.

notre-dame-seminaryI’ve been in both a Federal Prison, and a Roman Catholic Seminary. Though my time in each were years apart, I couldn’t help but make comparisons. What I discovered was shocking.

Years ago, I felt like I had the calling to become a Roman Catholic Priest. After weeks of counseling, I finally made the decision to enter the seminary. I entered Notre Dame Seminary, New Orleans, LA.

I must clarify something. This is not Notre Dame University, Home of the Fighting Irish. Notre Dame Seminary is a different institution entirely.

Attneding Notre Dame Seminary was my choice. My vocational director, the priest in my diocese who guided me, tried to discourage this, but he left the final decision up to me. Continue reading Federal Prison was a breeze. Catholic Seminary was a living hell.

Pope Francis speaks on homosexuality – too little too late

pope-francis-homosexuality
Continue reading Pope Francis speaks on homosexuality – too little too late

St. Peter’s advice for lovely ladies who seduce priests

st-peterAfter mass, about a week ago, there were two priests talking to the members of the congregation. One was around the age of 28, and the other was close to 70.

The younger priest was talking to a beautiful woman. I mean, this lady was a real looker. Sexy, beautiful, seductive – She had it all. Suddenly, the younger priest had a blush on his face, but for no particular reason. Finally, he had to leave because he couldn’t stand it. I think the young priest had a sexual problem, because he was walking kind of funny.

He went into a room in the back of the church. The older priest noticed that there was a problem, do he decided to follow him and find out what was wrong. It was then when I decided to do some eaves-dropping. I’m  not necessarily a noisy person, but I’m always looking for good stuff to write about.

I tried to listen in. The older priest ask, “What’s wrong?” The younger priest wouldn’t say, but the older priest knew that the beautiful lady got to him. He said to the young priest, “Son, I know what’s wrong. You’ve got to be able to handle this kind of situation. You’re a priest now.” Continue reading St. Peter’s advice for lovely ladies who seduce priests

How to cure Insomnia

jack-van-impeIf you’re having problems sleeping at night, here are two things you can do that will cure it, permanently.

First, decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.

This second thing you can do works even better. Decorate your bedroom so that it resembles a church. Contact Fathead and ask them if they can make you a wall poster of Jack Van Impe. Hang it on the wall where you can see it while lying in bed.

You’ll never have problems falling asleep again.