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Posted in Just Plain Funny, on April 4th, 2015

My House Guest scared me and two cops to death

batIn January of this year, I had an unexpected, and definitely uninvited house guest.

It was not funny at the time, but it is funny now that it’s over – I HOPE.

I had to store some things in my attic one night, so I opened the ceiling door leading to the attic. After I was finished, I noticed an unexpected house guest, flying around in my living room. At first, I thought it was a bird. After a closer look, I said to myself, “That’s no bird. That’s a blasted BAT!”

He came in from the attic. I’m afraid that he has some friends up there.

I didn’t know what to do. This sort of thing just doesn’t happen every day. So, I call 911, and asked them what I should do. I told the lady who answered that I had a bat in my house, and asked her what I should do. She said, “Don’t kill it.” I said, “Like HELL I WON’T!” Then she said, “It’s against the law to kill a bat because it’s an endangered species.” Then I said, “OK, but if that thing bites me on the neck, and I wake up tomorrow night as a vampire, I am coming to the police station to bite your neck.” She laughed, but I was not laughing.

She went to to say that she was sending someone to my house. I said that wasn’t necessary, and told her to just tell me what to do. She said that the policemen could tell me when they arrive. Two cops were at my house in 30 seconds. I said, “Come on in, gentlemen.” One of the cops said, “No, I don’t think I need to. There’s nothing I can do.” I asked him, “What’s the matter, Son? You’re not afraid, are you?” He said, “No.” I said, “Then come on in”, and he said “I’d rather not.”

Then I asked him, “What do I need to do?”

His answer was, “Search it on Google!”

At first, I laughed. Then, I took his advice. So, I searched Google, and was led to WikiHow‘s advice on How to Catch a Bat in Your House. I followed Step 10. I opened the back door, turned on the outside deck light, went to sleep on the couch, and nearly froze my butt off. He must have flown out the backdoor while I was half dozed off, because I have not seen the little intruder since.

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