Posted in Odd, Strange & Funny, on January 4th, 2016

Forget this New Years Resolution bull shit!

new-years-resolutionMake all the New Years Resolutions you want. It doesn’t matter. You’re not going to keep any of them. For each New Years Resolution you make, you’ll find some way to hedge it, or get yourself out of it without having a guilty conscience.

Famous New Years Resolution’s and rebuttals

I’m not buying any more cigarettes. That’s the classic New Years Resolution. But are you going to quit smoking? You didn’t say. What are you going to do, bum from someone else every time you want a cigarette? You don’t get lung cancer from buying the damn things. You get cancer from smoking them.

I’m going to lose weight. That’s good, but how? Are you also making a resolution that you will stop eating? How do you think you’re going to lose weight? It’s not going to just drop off, just because you wished it.

I’m going to stop drinking to excess. If you’re more than a social drinker, three martini’s may not be considered drinking to excess for you.

I’ll start meditating every day. A spiritual resolution is powerful. But what are you going to meditate about? I can think of several things you could meditate on.

I’ll pick up a hobby. It’s good to have a hobby to pass the time. There are some hobbies that might interest you, such as, women, drinking, smoking, staying out late, going to nightclubs. The list is endless.

I want to play more. Playing is fun and relaxing. This will take away stress from your life. But what exactly is it that you want to play with? Do you like playing cards? What about playing the horses?

I’ll eat fewer calories. That should be a dilly. The next time you sit at the table, or crave that late night snack, go ahead and have five helpings of food that is low in calories. At least you’ll be keeping your resolution.

I want to read more. That’s great, but what is it exactly that you want to read? Maybe it’s magazines with pictures.

I want to be kinder to myself. If you want to keep this resolution, you shouldn’t have any problems. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing.

I want to keep a journal. Keeping a journal is a great way to find out some things about yourself. But what are you going to write in this journal? Who knows, it might be a best seller.

 

 

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