Be careful who you follow
This does not apply to Twitter or Facebook. Although, following the wrong people on these platforms could get you in trouble, it’s not likely. I’m talking about the real world, brick & mortar, face-to-face, or whatever you want to call it.
Last Friday evening, I watched the TV Special on ABC, Truth and Lies: The Family Manson. This made me think about choosing the right people to follow as role models. Granted, Charles Manson is not exactly a role model, but the people in his crime family thought he was God.
When you follow someone, here’s what can happen
The people who followed Charles Manson ended up with life sentences in prison.
The people who followed Richard Scrushy when he was the CEO of HealthSouth ended up with 5 to 10 year sentences in prison.
The people who followed Jeffrey Skilling, former CEO of the Enron Corporation, ended up with much longer sentences in prison.
Finally, the people who follow Bill Gates, co founder of Microsoft, end up in the top 5 on the Fortune 500 list.
Be careful who you follow.
Are zippers better than velcro?
Why are the buttons on men’s shirts on the right, but on women’s blouses, on the left?
Do parents spank their kids enough?
Should the legal drinking age be lowered to 18?
If croutons are stale bread, why are they stored in cellophane?
Does the hot dog qualify as a sandwich?
Why do people press harder on a remote control when they know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee for insufficient funds when they know there is not enough money in the account?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
When people look for something they’ve lost, why do they look in pockets of clothes they haven’t worn in years?
Should the Pope start wearing a different style hat?
Could Sarah Palin whip President Obama in a street fight?
Should Medicaid cover breast implants?
Are sagging pants genuinely fashionable attire?
And the number one question is: Could you survive for 30 days without your smart phone?
Email from Merjeo reader:
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, my cousin is 31, I’m 18, and she really likes me a lot.
I want to have sex with her so bad, I can hardly stand it. Yesterday we were kissing. Then I stopped her because I felt it wasn’t the right thing to do. I’ve heard that our children might have Down Syndrome or something like that if I do anything with her. Is this BS or NOT?
I do like her, but I can’t have a family because of that. I won’t put my penis anywhere near her body.
Actually, your kids will grow up with a superior IQ. This also happens when pregnant women are on steroids. There’s only one side effect. The kids are psychotic. And speaking of psychotic, have you checked your marbles lately?
You’re saying you want to raise a family with your cousin. You have to be out of your mind. I think either your parents are cousins, or, your mother was on steroids when she was pregnant with you.
I’m sorry to break it to you Pal, but your cousin is toying with you, laughing and enjoying every minute of it. If you have sex with her, it would be nothing more than a training session. In other words, she’ll give you sex lessons.
Email from Merjeo Reader:
I just found out my twin sister has had a crush on my yet to be announced fiancé for the longest time. Our engagement party is next week.
I was wondering if it was okay if I let my twin sleep with him before then. We haven’t asked my fiancé about this yet, but my sister is very excited, I doubt he’d even notice, we both look and sound the same and have very similar names. I’m Kathy and she’s Cat. We were named Katherine & Catherine. Our parents thought it was funny.
So will it work? We won’t get into trouble with the cops though, will we?
Response from Merjeo:
You can ask this question to a cop, but he’ll probably laugh at you. Just to play it safe, you might want to ask your lawyer. My guess is, he’ll also laugh and tell you, “I don’t know.” You’d better be worried about getting in trouble with your fiancé.
I have a suggestion. Level with him. Tell him the truth. Then, if he’s cool with it, you can have a threesome, and play cat and mouse.
While this is not my style, let me add that the best man at my wedding had sex with another woman on the night of his bachelor party, and they have been married 45 years.
Teach a Man How to Fish – Very common when people ask others for help
The idea is simple. The person who is giving someone help and guidance could just give him a fish. The problem is, he will eat the fish, and come back for more.
Don’t just give him a fish. Show him how to get his own fish, and he’ll never mess with you again. Otherwise, you’ll never get rid of him.
Adaptions to the expression, Teach a Man How to Fish
- Teach a man how to hold a gun, and he will rob a bank.
- Teach a man how to run a bank, and he will rob the World.
- Teach a man how to shoot a gun, and he will kill someone.
- Teach a man how to seduce a woman, and he will take your wife.
- Teach a man about sex, and he will screw you royally.
Two situations when you would never use this expression
- Never say this to your adopted son
- Never say this to the woman you married
Two more situations when you can use this expression
- When you’re about to get a divorce
- If you own a business, when you’re about to fire someone
What was wrong with the apes and the monkey?
I’ve always wondered why man evolved from apes. During this time, I’ve asked myself two questions:
- First, why did God create man?
- Second, if man evolved from apes, why are apes still around?
I have the answers to both.
- First, God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.
- Second, the ape is still around because one day, God may decide to change things back to the way they were.
Have you ever tried to put on a BAND-AID with one hand?
It seems like every time I need to use a BAND-AID to stop bleeding, it’s always on a part of my body that’s inconvenient.
You need two hands to put on a BAND-AID. It never fails. Every time, I need to put one on my arm, or worse, my hand. When this happens, you can forget about using both hands.
Sometimes I wish the cut was on my leg instead.
That’s just one part of the problem. How many times have you tried to put on a BAND-AID, and it just won’t stick. You have to use two – One to stop the bleeding and the other to hold the first one in place. Not very economical.
An old doctor about to retire won’t fool with you
I’ve been to two doctors in my life who were within 6 months of retiring. The first doctor was a dentist. The second was a dermatologist.
With the dermatologist, it wasn’t so bad. All I needed was a minor treatment for a skin rash. He didn’t want to fool with it because he knew he was on his way out.
With the dentist, I needed extensive dental work. He quoted me a price for all of the work and I said, “OK! Let’s do it!” Then he said, “My assistant will call you tomorrow and set up an appointment.” I never heard from the dentist or the assistant again.
These two stories have a good ending for me, but not the doctors. My skin condition was treated and the rash went away. I’ve gotten my teeth fixed and I’m very happy with the work the dentist did. Finally, both doctors are dead.
Don’t go to an old doctor, or you could die
Lucky for me, neither doctor I went to was a life and death situation. Suppose you go to an old doctor who’s on his way out, and you need some serious treatment. Odds are, he doesn’t want to mess with it, and you are shit out of luck.
By the way, the same thing applies to lawyers.
If you go sky diving, and your parachute does not open. don’t worry. It’s not the fall that’s going to kill you.
It’s going to be the impact when you hit the ground.
Most of the time, when a beautiful woman wears a bikini, men usually show her some respect.
They are very respectful and very polite. They only look at the covered parts.