Merjeo by Charlie

Funny, Wild, Crazy Stories

Home » 2014 » September

Amanda Bynes has plans after rehab

amands-bynesAmanda Bynes was arrested again, by the California Highway Patrol, for substance abuse. The actress needs another hobby besides drinking and shooting.

After leaving rehab, the actress wants to start her own clothing line. An appropriate name for this line would be:

Amanda Bynes Smashing Apparel.

Good2Go App – Fulfilling a dream

Good2GoWhen I purchased my first iPhone, i was amazed at what this thing could do. I remembering saying, “This thing can do anything but give you oral sex.”

Well, the Good2Go app may have solved this problem. This thing seems amazing. It by-passes the foreplay, and gets right to the question – YES or NO.

After using this app, you may need to download Doctor on Demand.

National Coffee Day may lead to National Shake Day

national-coffee-dayWith National Coffee Day upon us, Krispy Kreme and Dunkin’ Donuts are giving away coffee to their customers, as well a number of other stores.

This should keep the country in a severe state of nervousness for the next two weeks. After this, the country needs to declare a National Shake Day. Who know? On the next National Day, some of the drug stores may give away free Valium.

Violence runs in the Ohio State family

Ohio State strength coach, Anthony Schlegel decided to pull a Woody Hayes style antic, by tackling a fan running on the field during the game with the University of Cincinnati.

 

ohio-state

Violence obviously runs in the Ohio State family. Recall, in the 1978 Gator Bowl, when Ohio State legend, Woody Hayes punched Clemson nose guard, Charlie Bauman, for intercepting a pass from Buckeye quarterback, Art Schlichter in the closing minutes. This interception sealed a two point win for Clemson.

This incident is both similar, and different from that which occurred in 1978.

The similarity is, Woody Hayes never apologized to Bauman for punching him out. No one expects Schlegel to apologize to the fan who ran on the field. The difference is, Woody Hayes was the goat, and was fired the next day. Schlegel seems to be a hero, and could probably be elected if he were to run for governor of Ohio.

woody-hayes

I love many things, but only one affects me a certain way

I love many things.

My favorite food is hot dogs. I love hot dogs.

I love Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer.

 

 

love

 

I love my two Boston Terries.

 

 

 

I love to play golf.

I love to cook.

I love apple pie.

The list of things I love in endless. I love a lot of things.

But there is only one think I love that affects a certain part of my body a certain way.

love

Need I say more? I want to keep this content as clean as possible.

i

Golf attracts too many HOT-HEADS

Why do so many angry golfers damage their clubs?

golf-clubsThis is stupid. I am not about to damage my golf club. I paid too much money for them. Most of the golfers who have these temper tantrums are just weekend golfers.

There can be three reasons why these hot-heads like to do this.

First, their ego could be getting the best of them. This has to be my number one choice. Weekend golfers have an ego. Every weekend golfer likes to talk about how great his golf game is, when in reality, it sucks.

Second, they want a new set of clubs, and just need a good excuse to buy them. I have the ultimate excuse. I just want a new set of clubs. That’s it – short and to the point. Besides, don’t damage your old clubs, You can always sell them on Ebay. If they are damaged, no one will want to buy them.

Finally, they probably think they are much better golfers than they really are. I’d be the first to admit that I am not that good a golfer. But who cares?  I have fun, fun, fun.

Who do they think they are, Tiger Woods?

People can say “YES”, but can they say “NO”?

Too Many “Yes-Men”

yes-noEverybody can say the word yes. They can say it, whether they mean it of not. In most cases, they don’t mean it.

Ask someone if they will be coming to a party at your house. They’ll say, “Yes” but won’t show up.

Yes is an easy word to say. No is not so easy to say. Why can’t people ever say no? Are they afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? Screw their feelings. If a person says “No”, at least they are being honest.

The law that was passed in California, Yes Means Yes, should be, No Means No. It’s no wonder so many people are dishonest. The legislatures make them that way.

Race the issue for Eric Holder?

eric-holderI don’t think so.

Under Eric Holder’s leadership, the U.S. Justice Department would put someone in prison for spitting on the sidewalk. This guy did not play favorites. He would have put members of his own family in prison.

This is not a racial issue. I assume everyone in his family is also Afro American.

Source: BBC

Notre Dame – Auburn in championship game – No Bear Bryant

notre-dame

Latest Forecast – an Auburn, Notre Dame championship game?

Is it possible? That’s what the experts are predicting.

I believe it is possible. Unfortunately, for Notre Dame, they could not stay on the field with Auburn. The only bright spot on the resume of the Irish, regarding the Southeastern Conference, is they never lost to a Bear Bryant coached team. Bryant was a legend, but he could not beat the Irish.

If this happens, and Auburn beats Notre Dame, the Bear will be turning in his grave.

Derek Jeter – Another single digit number

derek-jeterDerek Jeter went out in style. He delivered a game winning hit in the Yankees’ 6 – 5 win over Baltimore.

Will Derek Jeter’s number be retired?

This is a no brainer. Derek Jeter is one of the greatest. But there is another incentive for the Yankees to retire his number. His number, Number 2, is one of only two single digit numbers the Yankees have not retired.

We are thorough. Here is the list.

billy-martin

No. 1 – Billy Martin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

babe-ruth

No. 3 – Babe Ruth (aka, “The Babe”)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lou-gehrig

No. 4 – Lou Gehrig

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

joe-dimaggio

No. 5 – Joe DiMaggio

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mickey-mantle

No. 7 – Mickey Mantle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yogi-berra

No. 8 – Yogi Berra

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bill-dickey

No. 8 – Bill Dickey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

roger-maris

No. 9 – Roger Maris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why didn’t Bill Dickey or Yogi Berra wear Number 6? Then, the Yankees can have all the single digits retired?

Pitchman Kevin Trudeau – A COOL DUDE

kevin-trudeauProfessional pitchman, Kevin Trudeau, was sentenced to 10 years in Federal Prison. In spite of this, I kind of like the guy, personally.

Kevin Trudeau seems like a cool guy

Naturally, this is the nature of a professional pitchman. To sell his customer, he has to come across as a nice guy. I have no problem with this. Kevin Trudeau is someone I’d like to have a couple of beers with, and just shoot the breeze. As long a I don’t have to do business with him, we could get along just fine. However, like so many professional pitch men, he would have to kept within an arm’s length. Otherwise, he would bite it off like an alligator. Continue reading

Alabama has been misjudged over the years

If you see the article in BuzzFeed, 12 Things We Have Alabama To Thank For, you will see some good things that the State has given us.

If you are familiar with Alabama, you will notice that many good things, and one bad thing has been left out.

Good things from Alabama.

Joe Louis, Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, Bo Jackson, Carl Lewis, Jim Nabors (aka, Gomer Pyle), Hank Williams Sr.,  3 of the original Temptations (Eddie Kendricks, Paul Williams, Melvin Franklin), Dianna Ross, Nat King Cole, and many others.

temtations

I am proud to say that Eddie and Paul were very good friends.

College Football

Don’t forget that the State of Alabama rules college football. The national champion has been Auburn or Alabama for 4 out of the last 5 years. It should be 5 out of 5, but Auburn came up 13 seconds short last January in Pasadena. But if there is any consolation, keep in mind that the quarterback who led Florida State to the win on their last drive, Jameis Winston, is from Bessemer, Alabama.

Segregation

The only bad thing about Alabama is segregation. Many believe this is where it originated.

George Wallace has taken the rap for this, but this is not true. Wallace was not a racist. He was a politician, and a good one. He just used racism to further his political career. The real racist behind the 1963 Civil Rights Movement in Birmingham was the Commissioner of Public Safety, Bull Connor. In a speech Connor made, he said, word for word, “You’ve got to keep the White and the Black separate!” The idiot couldn’t even speak English correctly. Watch the video. You can hear this speech at the beginning of the video.

bull-connor

Bull Connor is the one who ordered the police to attack Afro Americans with the fire hoses. It is accurate to say that he was the sole individual who was responsible for the Civil Rights Movement in Birminghham. Bull Connor not only hated Afro Americans. He hated everybody who knew where they came from.

Let me expand on what I just said – BULL CONNOR HATED EVERYBODY, PERIOD. I think the man even hated himself. He also hated Jews and Italians, and probably more than he hated Afro Americans. He didn’t start any crap with the Jews, because they were smart, and they had the money to fight back. He didn’t mess with the Italians, for obvious reasons. I suppose he did not want his body to wash up from the bottom of the Warrior River.

There was one time when Mr. Connor attacked the Italians. I remember very clearly. Bull Connor ordered the Ku Klux Klan to burn a cross in my Great Grandmother’s front yard. The reason was because she owned a grocery store in Bessemer, Alabama. Being an immigrant from Sicily, Mr. Connor wanted her OUT. What a turd!

When you think of Alabama, think of the good things

Alabama has contributed many good things to society. Don’t judge Alabama by the one bad thing the state is associated with. Better yet, don’t judge the State of Alabama because of one individual who hated everyone, including himself.

civil-rights

Andre Ellington may sit out opener

andre-ellington

When the Chargers and Cardinals kick off Monday night, Arizona may be without their star running back, Andre Ellington. A foot injury has made the running back from Clemson questionable.

Starting in his place could be Johnathan Dwyer, the fourth year man from Georgia Tech. This could lead to the beginning of a superstar’s career. Stranger things have happened. This time next week, the Arizona Cardinal fans may be asking the question, “Andre WHO?”

Source: ESPN

9 Joan Rivers thoughts that teach us about life

The entertainment world lost a great one yesterday. Like so many heart-broken people, I am sad to say that Joan Rivers passed away at the age of 81. Miss Rivers was one of the greatest woman comedians ever.

Joan Rivers made a lot of people laugh, and brought joy and happiness to many. In addition, the legend had many philosophies about life. If we could learn from some of these, we could all live life to its fullest.

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers just appeared in public, went on stage and did what came natural to her. Her sharp tongued humor was her trademark, and will never be forgotten. Miss Rivers could be put into any situation, and you would think that she had been accustomed to it her entire life.

joan-rivers

When asked once in an interview to describe what she does, she responded by saying that she really didn’t have a job. She said that all she did, and all she wanted to do was make people happy. And she sure did that.

joan-rivers

Joan Rivers was a great comedian, but she also involved herself in other interests. Over a period of 40 years, she was the author of 10 books. She had a writing style that could rival some of the best authors. She was also a producer and business leader. Miss Rivers also had numerous endorsements. She was a frequent guest on QVC.

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers taught us that there is nothing wrong with laughing at ourselves. It should be only natural. In doing so, it shows that we are human, and comfortable with who we are. Miss Rivers was definitely comfortable with who she was. Above, she is pictured on the Tonight Show, laughing so hard while trying to tell a joke, that she could not get the joke out.

joan-rivers

Joan Rivers was a comedy sensation for over 5 decades. Pictured here are the two greatest woman comedians of all time. She is with Lucille Ball, and I’m sure we all know Lucy. Wow, some of the things that are going on up there now are priceless!

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers was a very out spoken woman, and she had every right to be. There was one moment when CNN tried to exploit her on national television. In an interview with CNN anchor Fredricka Whitfield, Joan Rivers walked out during a heated argument in which the anchor called her “mean.” “You are not the one to interview a person who does humor – Sorry!” I admired her when she did this. The woman loved who she was, and was not about to allow anyone too discredit her – WELL DONE MISS RIVERS!

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers did something that most great entertainers could not do. She passed away while she was still on top. She lived every day like it was the most important day in her life.

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers was happy with herself, and with who she was. Also, she made other people happy with themselves, just to be around her.

joan-rivers

It was often said that her first love, and the love of her life was her husband, film and television produce Edgar Rosenberg. Miss Rivers was a frequent celebrity guest on The Hollywood Squares, a TV game show hosted by Peter Marshall, which aired from 1965 to 1982. She is pictured above as a guest on the show, probably talking about her beloved Edgar, which she did so many times.

This is a very sad day in the entertainment world.

 

joan-rivers

Son of Ponzi king dies at 48

andrew-madoff

The son of Ponzi king Bernard Madoff is dead at the age of 48 from a rare form of cancer. Andrew Madoff is the one who turned his father in to authorities after he was swindled, like so many other people. In an interview with 60 Minutes, Andrew said that what his father did “is unforgiveable”, and he would “never speak to him again”.

Bernie Madoff is serving a 150 year prison sentence in North Carolina. I don’t suppose the Federal Bureau of Prisons will allow him a furlough to attend his son’s funeral?

Source: Los Angeles Times

CVS Pharmacy will not let you light up anymore

cvs-pharmacy

If you want to smoke, chew or dip, CVS Pharmacy no longer wants your money.

A company that promotes health care decides to stop selling tobacco products. Perhaps they think this is a conflict of interest.

But there is another conflict of interest. Tobacco products, as we all know, are bad for your health. So is obesity, and being overweight. So, why do health food stores sell products that make you gain weight?

Source: USA TODAY

Former Oregon player screwed

michael-dyer

Former Oregon Ducks tight end Colt Lyerla claims that a booster promised him a house and a car if he signed with the Ducks. He also claims the booster welched.

I think there is more to this story. Perhaps the booster promised him a house and car, in exchange for a National Championship. Of course, everyone knows that Auburn took care of this. To be even more specific, it was Auburn running back, Michael Dyer who was responsible for Auburn’s win. In a tied game, during the closing minutes, Dyer kept running when he and the referee were the only two people in Glendale, AZ who knew his knee never hit the ground.

If my hunch is correct, then this former tight end shouldn’t blame the booster. He should blame Michael Dyer.

Way to go Michael! WAR EAGLE!

Source: Sports Illustrated

Joan Rivers being kept comfortable

joan-rivers-returns-to-tonight-show

 

What Does This Mean?

That’s good, but there is something left out. Is she better? Is she worse? What’s her condition? What’s going on?

Being kept comfortable is a little too vague. Hospice patients are kept comfortable every day. I sure as hell hope this is not what they mean.

Source: Mail Online

Betty White is still alive and well

The web almost killed Betty White. However, she is alive and well, Thank God!

AT the age of 92,the woman is indestructible. She is also a living legend. She is the reason Hot in Cleveland is a success.

Source: Orlando Sentinel

betty-white

betty-white

betty-white

betty-white

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Get Big Present

Brad-Pitt-Angelina-Jolie

They finally tie the knot, after 9 years. Will they stay together? Well, as long as it’s money well spent.

Source: DAILY NEWS

Wes Welker Suspended for Four Games

wes-welker

This was after testing Positive for Amphetamines. I’ve heard of a soft nose – A player who tries to find the quickest way to get on the 90 day disable list. If he can’t do it one way, he’ll do it another. Some of these guys just don’t want to play. And who could blame them? I would be delighted if I didn’t have to get my ass busted for four weeks.

Source: TIME