Merjeo by Charlie

Funny, Wild, Crazy Stories

Home » 2015 » August

How to find inner peace within yourself

inner-peace

I was watching Dr. Phil one day, and he explained the secret on how to find inner peace within yourself:

“The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and never have finished.”

I decided to take his advice, immediately after the show ended.

I began with the less important things that were started, but not finished. I went outside and finished mowing the lawn. I took my clean clothes out of the dryer, folded them and put them away. Then, I mopped the kitchen floor.

Dr. Phil’s advice seemed to work well for me so far. But, I wanted to find the maximum inner peace within myself. Therefore, I decided to finish some things that were more important.

I finished:

  • A case of Budweiser
  • A bottle of Jack Daniels
  • A bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream
  • A bottle of Kahlua
  • The lasagna left over from the following evening
  • The cheesecake left over from last night
  • The the remainder of my old Prozac prescription
  • And finally, a box of chocolates

Do I have inner peace now? You Better Believe It! Well Done, Dr, Phil!

How to handle a registered sex offender living across the street

registered-sex-offender

I received an email from someone who has a registered sex offender living across the street from where he lives. There’s also a seven year old girl living there. Registered sex offenders are forbidden by law to live around children. This guy is breaking the law.

My email contact doesn’t particularly like it, but decided to just mind his own business. The guy is not bothering him, so he decided to just leave it alone. Furthermore, he went on to say, and I quote, “If this guy ever starts any crap with me, his ass is mud!

Last week, my email contact received a certified letter from the town where he lives, threatening to place a lien on his house. The reason for the letter was, his hedges have not been trimmed in over a year. After calling the township, he was informed that one of the neighbors complained.

After a little investigating, he discovered that the registered sex offender’s wife, who also lives across the street, made the complaint. His next quote was, “That does it. I’m a man of my word.

He immediately called the local sheriff’s department and informed them of this sex offender. Within 24 hours, they sent an officer to the sex offender’s home, and he was immediately taken to jail.

When I responded to his email, I asked him, “If you had not discovered who made the complaint against you, would you have still turned him over to the sheriff?” His response was, “You damn right. I was just looking for an excuse to turn that bastard in!

This is my advice to the registered sex offender:

If you’re not Lilly White yourself, don’t snitch, and this goes for your noisy wife too!

How one person responded to overseas email scam asking for money

If you’ve ever received a scam email that appears to be from overseas, you’ve probably ignored it. The message will tell you that someone has died, and the estate must be settled. Furthermore, if you pay a fee, you will receive a percentage of the money, which can be in the millions. This is how one person answered one of these emails, and it’s very funny. By the way, to protect the identity of the Attorney, I changed the name and email to John Doe, because the original used a valid name and email.

email-scams

Original Scam Email

From: Barrister: John Doe
Sent: Sat, Jun 20, 2015 12:41 am
Subject: Willie is dead  
Email: johndoe@gmail.com

This is my second letter to you, once more my name is Barrister John Doe. I am the personal attorney to Willie who died a few years ago, May his gentle soul rest in peace, Before his death, he deposited One Trunk Box/Diplomatic Personal Treasure, containing the sum of $8.752,000.00 (EIGHT MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY-TWO THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS ONLY) with a security company here in Nigeria. But he did not disclose the content of deposited diplomatic consignment to the security company, for security reasons. But now the company is anticipating someone with the same surname (last name) specifically referred from my office to claim the money. All my efforts to get his family members have not been successful, so i came across your contact information and decided to ask for your cooperation to present you to the company as his next of kin so that the money will be paid to you for our sharing on which will be negotiated upon your agreement, If you are interested, please reply to me and note that you are the only person I have contacted. Please send your reply only via this email: johndoe@gmail.com.

Best Regards,

John Doe.

Response to Scam Email

Hi Barrister John Doe,

Oh No, My Poor Willie!!

A few years ago? Really, second email??

I checked my spam folder just now and I didn’t see any emails from you. Are you sure we’re talking about MY Willie? There’s only one way to know that we’re talking about my member. If it’s the Willie I know he has a nick name. It is ‘Goggy’. Short for Godzilla.

Is there any mention of that in his information? Willie was known and loved by many, but we tried to keep it a secret. I didn’t want anyone to know our business. People can be so nosey sometimes. It seems like just yesterday that I took my Willie out to get some fresh air and get him wet. I would put a rain coat on him and force him to go into any hole we could find and do push ups till he puked. Boy you better watch out when Willie came out to play. He’d spit right in your eye and you couldn’t get it open till you used warm water and soap on it. Yep, My Willie was known for that. What do you want me to do? Money?? I’m not really all that interested in money. I’d much rather have my beloved Willie than a few lousy dollars. Just tell me, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my Willie. Willie was a BIG part of my life when I was younger. I used to play with Willie all the time and I never let ANYONE mess with Willie unless they were cute, and played nice with him.

As we got older Willie started to lose stamina and would become fatigued and spent after a little while, and I would have to put Willie in a warm place so he could relax until the next time Willie was stronger and ready to come out and play again. This is really disheartening to hear my beautiful Willie has died. I knew he was aging but I had no idea that he was that close to death. Well, I want to thank you so much for contacting me, and I look forward to your response on what we do next!! You can contact me at you earliest convenience to discuss Willie’s legacy. I can be reached at 1 (222) 222-2222.

Sincerely,

Michael (Willie’s closest member.)

My oh My! What a strange world we’re living in!

Potatoes – The latest email trend

People are sending Anonymous Potatoes with personal messages to people across the United States through this website: www.AnonymousPotato.com.

anonymous-potatoes

Why it’s dangerous to stalk someone on Facebook

stalking-on-facebookStalking someone on Facebook is OK. You’re not going to get into trouble, unless you do one thing:

Accidentally click on the Like Button.