Merjeo by Charlie

Funny, Wild, Crazy Stories

Home » 2017 » January

Culinary Schools don’t allow weapons, just knives

culinary schoolsDid you know that most Culinary schools do not allow their students to carry pepper spray? They consider this a weapon.

It’s all right to carry a case filled with sharp knives. They teach people how to take a knife, and cut a whole animal into small pieces. They also show students how to sprinkle pepper on the dead animals.

They don’t allow pepper spray because it’s too dangerous. Knives are much safer, according to the school.

Donald Trump, second celebrity President. What if . . ?

Donald Trump is the second celebrity Elected President. The other was Ronald Reagan. Suppose other celebrities had been Elected President. It would have been very interesting. See your yourself.

Famous cowboy from a long . . long . . long time ago

cowboy

TV Show: The Texan

Starring: Rory Calhoun

Rory Calhoun’s Name in the Show: Bill Longley

Occupation: Killer

Distinguishing Feature of the Show: His gun sounded like a cannon.

cowboy

cowboy-bill-longleyThe Real Bill Longley

Unlike Rory Calhoun, the real Bill Longley was ruthless, a racist, quick tempered, and unpredictable.

Like Rory Calhoun, the real Bill Longley was fast as lightning with the gun. He was one of the deadliest gunfighters in the Old West.

The real Bill Longley killed his first man in 1866, when he was fifteen, and was hanged in 1878.

The fictional Bill Longley was a nice fellow. Quite a difference from the real thing.

There is only one episode of The Texan on YouTube. If you want to watch it, click on the picture of Rory Calhoun above, or HERE.

You can also get the complete series of The Texan on DVD.

10 ways to drive people around you totally insane

drink

1. When someone asks you to do something, no matter what it is, ask, “What would you like to drink with that?”

cocaine

2. Every time you write a check, write in the Memo Field, “For Cocaine.”

pull-my-finger

3. When you ride an elevator with someone you are with, point to them and ask, “Would you like to pull my finger?”

make-out

4. If you are out shopping with your wife, briefly separate yourself from her. Then, walk up to her, casually, and say, “I’ve been watching you from the other side of the store. You’re cute. Would you like to go some place where we can be alone and just make out?”

diet-water

5. When you eat in a restaurant, and the waitress asks what you want to drink, tell her, with a serious face, “I’d like diet water please.”

stuck-in-an-elevator

6. The next time you get stuck in a elevator, and there are other people in there, act like you are having a highly emotional panic attack.

fast-food-drive-through

7. When someone takes your fast food order from the drive through window, say to them, “This order’s to go.”

fight

8. You’re standing in line at at bank, or anywhere there is a lot of people around. Suddenly, you see a very good friend in the line. This is someone you trust, someone with a sense of humor, and someone you have joked with many times. Hit your hand with the fist from your other hand, and say to him, “It’s time we finished this once and for all. Come on.”

headache

9. When someone invites you to a party, call them three days in advance and say, “I’m sorry. I won’t be able to attend your party. I have a headache.”

ron-jeremy

10. Call a theater that only shows pornographic movies (xxx-rated) and ask, “What’s the price of admission for children?”

condoms

BONUS Here’s one more, as an added bonus. When you go to a drugstore to buy condoms, ask the clerk, “Where’s the fitting room?”

6 new rules for proper table manners

Everyone knows about the standard rules, such as, wash your hands before dinner, don’t eat with your fingers, don’t talk about disgusting things at the tabledon’t talk with your mouth full, etc.

Here are some new rules that no one has ever heard about, and until now, have never thought about. They are a little different, but at least they make sense.

6 rules for good table manners

Start Dining if Your Companion is Late

Start Diningi f Your Companion is Late

If your dinner companion is late, go ahead and start dining without him. If you told him that dinner was at 7:30, you MEANT, 7:30. If he’s late, that’s his little red wagon. Go right ahead. Dig in. Enjoy the delicious food. If he gets mad at you for not waiting on him, PISS ON HIM!

Don’t Smoke Cigarettes at the Table

Dont Smoke Cigarettes at the Table

It’s OK to smoke a cigar, or a pipe. Just don’t smoke a cigarette. Cigarettes are not associated with dining. They are associated with sex. If you are a woman, and you enjoy smoking, learn to smoke a cigar or pipe. Otherwise, you are S O L!

Whatever is Passed to You, Don’t Return it

pass-the-salt

It has always been common courtesy to return something that you have asked someone to pass to you, once you’ve used it. But why? Who made up this bazaar rule? When you ask someone to pass the salt, and you put some on your food, why should you have to return it? If the guy who passed it to you makes a stink about it, tell him, “You didn’t give me the impression that you were about to use it. It was just sitting in front of you.”

If the Food Tastes Bad, be Honest

bad-tasting-food

Don’t tell someone that the dinner is delicious if it tastes like it was seasoned with a pair of three week old gym socks. If you do this, people will see right through you and know you are lying out of your ass.

Sing at the Table

singing-at-the-table

If your mouth is full of food, don’t do this. Otherwise, it is OK. I’ve never understood the logic. What’s wrong with singing at the table? If you’re sitting down, you can’t sing. If you stand up, you can sing. This is BS. About a hundred years ago, someone made up this rule. Why should we suffer because some jerk screwed it up for everyone?

When you Finish Dinner, Put your Napkin in your Plate

dirty-napkin

If it’s a paper napkin, this doesn’t matter, because you can just toss it into the trash basket. This only applies to cloth napkins. Never do what you have probably been taught, which is, place your napkin on the table, or on the chair. Here’s the logic. You have wiped your mouth with this napkin. If you place it on the table or the chair, you will spread germs. Don’t worry about the plate. It will be washed, and so will the napkin – I HOPE!

8 changes that should be made on Facebook, immediately

facebook

Change the name of the Facebook posting area

The name of the Facebook posting area indicates that there are a lot of morons on Facebook. I’ve never liked the idea of posting on someone’s wall. Talking to a wall is associated with being an idiot.

Add other options besides “Like”

Facebook wants people to know when someone likes what they post. Suppose someone doesn’t like a post. Are these people not entitled to their opinions? Some additional options should be added:

Don’t like

Despise

Rediculous

Don’t give a shit

Limit the number of times someone can change their relationship

People should be allowed to change their relationship status, because they get married, divorced or become widowed. Facebook should make two changes. First, you should not be allowed to change your relationship to something that you’ve used in the past. Second, if your relationship is changed 3 times, the fourth time should default to unstable.

Suspend members for certain types of posts

Three kinds of posts on Facebook really piss me off. These are the ones that ask you to do something.

The first is, when someone posts that he or she is taking an inventory of their friends, and is thinking about thinning out their friend list. And, if you respond, you will not be un-friended. I’ve never understood the logic. If someone is one of your friends, what’s the harm in just leaving him alone. His being listed is not hurting you in any way. You probably don’t even know he’s there unless you take a look

The second is, “Pass this prayer on to 10 people, and God will bless you.” I know this may be a touchy subject, but I don’t think God likes idiots. It’s my opinion that God would prefer one-on-one. For a clearer description of what I’m getting at, read Matthew 6:1-6,16-21. This is God’s way of saying, “I can pay you a little now, or a lot later.

Finally, there’s the post that says, “Please share this on your timeline, just so I’ll know people are reading my posts. Don’t just copy and paste.” I believe in sharing posts, because many are good information that should be seen. But this is a crock, and means nothing.

Members who post these types of posts should have their Facebook account suspended for 48 hours. The second time, the suspension should be 7 days. If it happens a third time, they should be banned from Facebook, permanently.

Put conditions on un-friending someone

If you un-friend someone, or if someone un-friends you, you and the other person should not be allowed to be friends again for one year.

Put conditions on blocking someone

There’s nothing wrong with blocking someone. There’s also nothing wrong with un-blocking someone you’ve previously blocked. People have disagreements, and sometimes settle them. However, if someone blocks someone for a second time, his account should be suspended for 6 months. This indicates that he’s screwed up, and must get his head screwed on right. The blockee should not be suspended because it’s not his fault.

Put conditions on tagging someone

If you tag someone in a picture or post on Facebook, you must have that person’s permission for it to take effect. Facebook should automate this by sending the tagged person a notification, and asking them to say “yes” or “no”. I don’t mind being tagged. But when I get a notification that someone commented on a post I was tagged in, and I’m not familiar with the post, I get a bad feeling that the hackers are in rare form.

Require photo verification

This is the most important change that should be made on Facebook. First, everyone’s Facebook account should be required to have one photo of themselves. Second, there should be an app for smartphones that will allow you to look at the screen, and take a quick photo of yourself from the front, left side and right side. There won’t be a photo, but instead, a verification by the app that your photo is verified, and you are good to go. Some online dating services use a similar app. Third, a photo and person verified by one Facebook account cannot be verified by another.

These changes will stop people from duplicating other peoples’ Facebook accounts. Have you ever received a friend request from someone who is already your friend? This is the reason why.

Sometimes, prayer is not the answer

prayerThis is a true story.

I once had a discussion with a Franciscan Friar.

In the Catholic Church, it is believed that the Priest performs a ritual, and changes the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, literally. Then, the people receive it as communion.

One day, we were having a few beers, feeling pretty good, and then we started talking some crazy stuff. I asked him this question, “If you’re in a burning building, in danger of dying, and there’s a priest around, can he just bless a piece of bread fast, without going through the entire ritual?”

He responded, “Why would you want him to do that?”

My answer was, “Because if I think I’m about to die, I would at least like to receive Communion before I die. This may increase my chances of getting into heaven.”

His answer to the question was, “I would think that receiving communion would be the last thing on your mind. What you should be more concerned about is SAVING YOUR ASS.”

 

Dog recognizes weather man’s voice on TV and is terrified

dog-recognizes-weather-manIn a previous post, I mentioned that I have two Boston Terriers, Dixie Rose and Holly Ann. Dixie Rose is not afraid of anything. Holly Ann is skittish. She’s afraid of fireworks, and bad weather.

When there are tornado warnings in my area, I always turn the TV on and watch WBRC, Fox6. This station has one of the best meteorologists in the Country, J.P. Dice. When there are bad weather warnings, J.P is on TV for a lengthy period of time.

As for Holly Ann, she’s no where to be found. She’s usually under the covers, shaking. When there are tornado warnings, I won’t see her until the next morning.

Holly Ann recognizes J.P.’s voice

One night, about 9 months ago, it was a very clear night. There were no warnings of bad weather. Everything was normal. Dixie Rose and Holly Ann were lying down on the sofa in the living room. At 10:00 PM, I watched Fox6 News. The broadcast began with a weather forecast by J.P., telling us that the weather was to be nice for the next several days.

Immediately, Holly Ann recognized his voice, and started shaking. She ran to the bedroom and hid under the covers. I didn’t see her until the next morning.

This was so funny that I had to tell J.P. about this. That night, I sent him an email and told him about it. He replied right away after receiving it. I could tell by the email that he was laughing.

He’s some kind of weatherman to have that kind of an impact on his listeners, and Holly Ann was definitely a listener.

What if your dog could talk? What would he say?

dogI have two adorable Boston Terriers. The Black one is Dixie Rose, and the brown one, Holly Ann. I’ve had them since they were puppies. When I first got them, I could hold them both in the palm of my hand.

Over the years, the most frustrating thing about having them is, knowing they can’t tell me what they’re thinking. There were times I would have really loved for them to be able to talk to me, particularly when they have seemed to be pissed off at me for something. I have a pretty good idea what they would have said to me at certain times, but I’d rather hear it in their own words.

 

 

If my 2 dogs could talk, this is what they would say to me

It’s raining and you expect me to go out and pee in it? Are you crazy?

Daddy, I’m sick and tired of that damn Eukanuba. Feed me some good stuff, like Rachel Ray.

Are you trying to bribe me with another treat? I’m on to that.

Daddy, don’t hurt me. I didn’t mean to pee on the floor. Hell, when you gotta go, you gotta go!

Hell, Daddy. You pee in the pool all the time. What’s the difference between that, and peeing on the floor?

We’ll go back inside when I’m ready. I haven’t found the right spot to do my business.

Why don’t you get your butt out there in the freezing weather and go pee? Turnabout’s fair play!

Ugh……Fine

Google or Hallmark Channel – Which cares more for the dollar? Is Google too cheap to pay Hallmark for advertising?

Who the hell is Thurbble?

google-hallmark channel

This picture is from a scene in one of Hallmark Channel’s Christmas movies, 12 Gifts of Christmas, starring Katrina Law and Aaron O’Connell. In it, Katrina Law is surfing the internet. Where’s Google? Is Thurbble another search engine?

I researched Thurbble on both Google and GoDaddy, and discovered it to be a website that no longer exists. At the time of its existence, its net worth was only $8.95. That’s 8 dollars, not 8 hundred. Don’t miss the period.

Is there friction between Google and Hallmark?

I’ve seen hundreds of websites with blog posts about Google, and many show their website. I don’t think Google paid them anything. I’ve done it a few times, and they certainly haven’t paid me anything. So, what’s the deal between Google and Hallmark?

Who’s the hard ass? In my opinion, it’s the Hallmark Channel.

This is a win-win situation for Google. If the Hallmark Channel displays their website, like so many bloggers in cyberspace, that’s millions of dollars of publicity for Google. Hallmark has nothing to gain. Google has everything to gain. But realistically, who should pay who? Should Google pay Hallmark for advertising? Should Hallmark pay Google for using their name?

Suppose Hallmark wanted money from Google for paid advertising, and Google said, “No way“. Did Hallmark get permission from Thurbble to use their name? Remember, Thurbble was once a website. Suppose Thurbble had to pay Hallmark a pretty penny. That’s why they’re out of business.

Does any of this make any sense? Not really. But that’s what makes it so entertaining. After all, this is Merjeo.

9 things to consider when a 40 year old man dates an 18 year old girl

40-year-old-manThis was a concern by the 40 year old man. The girl apparently had no concerns. This was like an adventure for her, little did she know.

9 Concerns about a 22 year difference in age

Is the man sure he wants to date an 18 year old? Is that what he wants?

Could this just be an infatuation of hers that will soon fade away?

How will they both look when she’s 38 and he’s 60?

A man’s sexual peak is around the age of 26. If he begins to lose his desire at the age of 40, will she be around long?

If this is for real, consider this. A woman’s sexual desire is at it’s highest at the age of 38. Will she give him a heart attack?

Assuming he has not lost his appetite at the age of 40, is his mind on marriage, or just having fun?

Does this guy risk falling in love, only to have his heart broken?

Is this girl an offline catfish? In other words, is she a gold digger?

Could this innocent little girl be emotionally scarred and taken advantage of by an older man?

Merjeo’s advice to the older man: Go for it. Have your fun while it lasts.

4 differences between a massage and rub down

massage-rub-down

Massage vs Rub Down depends on 3 things:

  • What part of the body is being massaged or rubbed down. If it’s the back, it can be either. The nurse gives a back massage. Does the sports trainer give a massage. No way! He gives a rub down. Can you imagine Tom Brady getting a massage from the Patriots’ trainer? Maybe the trainer would like to give him a face rub down or a foot rub down. Have you ever heard of a face or foot rub down? NO. But you’ve heard of a facial massage and a foot massage.
  • Who’s doing the massage or rub down. Does a coach’s trainer give his star players a massage? No way! He gives them a rub down. What about a nurse? Does the nurse even know what a rub down is? Do you remember the days when massage parlors were popular? You didn’t go there to get a rub down. You went there to get a massage, plus a few other extra benefits.
  • How you feel before getting whatever it is you’re getting. Massage is associated with therapy. When you get a massage, it’s because something is screw up in your system, and you feel rough when you get there. Rub down is associated with activity, sports, athletes and working out.  When you get a rub down, you already feel great. You think the rub down is going to make you feel better. That’s why you get it. Of course, there’s another reason. Maybe you want to be like Tom Brady.
  • One sounds masculine, and the other, feminine. Men like to get a rub down because it is masculine, or macho. Women prefer a massage because it is feminine.

Hey, Dude! I’m cool! I’m gonna get me a rub down!

8 little known facts about toilet paper

toilet-paper8 Facts about toilet paper that few people know

  • We are living in a sophisticated world now. Toilet paper is no longer called toilet paper. It’s called bathroom tissue. If Publix or Kroger runs a sale on toilet paper, and place it in their ads, they would never call it toilet paper.
  • The Italians have their own name for toilet paper, Super Duper Culo Scooper. I learned this from my Dad, many years ago.
  • There are many products in the supermarket that people could do without, if they had to. Toilet paper is not one of them. Some have tried going back to the old fashioned way, using the corn cob. However, this can get a little messy.
  • Because of the demand for toilet paper, this is one product that will never stop selling. It’s recession proof. If you go into the toilet paper business, you could make a fortune.
  • Did you know that half of the population prefers soft toilet paper, while the other half prefers course toilet paper? And each half is not even aware that the other exists.
  • Some people still prefer the pretty pastel colored toilet. Others actually believe that the colored toilet paper will cause rectal cancer. This is a crock of s__t, no pun intended.
  • Did you know that half of the population wipe sitting down, while the other half wipes standing up? Once again, each half is not even aware that the other exists.
  • Finally, there is an art to wiping. The trick is to get all of the stuff you wipe on the toilet paper, and none on your hand. Some people have mastered this art.

Finally, did you know that toilet papers is the world’s most perfect product?

Parents – How to get your kids to do chores

Just put a bulletin board in your kitchen and pin this note to it. This works like a charm every time.
chores

Pyramid Schemes – How they were then, and how they are now

pyramid-schemesI first heard of a pyramid scheme in 1980. A former college professor called me one night to see if I had become successful yet. He wanted to meet with me the next day at my home. When he arrived, he told me how nice it would be to make $50 thousand a year, which was good money then. Then I said to myself, “Oh No! This guy is up to something.” Right away, he started drawing circles on a presentation board. To make a long story short, this was my introduction to Amway. From that point on, he almost drove me crazy.

Amway is the grandfather of pyramid schemes, so I’ll use them to make my point. But what I am about to say applies to all pyramid scheme guys. Since Amway, thousands of pyramid schemes that have come and gone. Then, they were through personal contact. Now they are digitized, computerized, and online.

These pyramid scheme guys drove you crazy THEN, and still drive you crazy NOW

Here are 10 things you should Do and Never Do when an Amway Distributor drives you crazy – THEN and NOW.

10 Do’s and Never Do’s with an Amway Distributor if you’re not interested

 

 THEN  NOW
Never give your telephone number to an Amway Distributor.

If he calls you, don’t return the call.

Never call the Amway Distributor.

Never give your home address to an Amway Distributor.

If the Amway Distributor gives you a tape to listen to, take it, but put it on the shelf.

If an Amway Distributor won’t take no for an answer, threaten to whip his ass.

If he still won’t take no for an answer, get a restraining order.

If he still won’t take no for an answer, go ahead and whip his ass.

Never get stuck in an elevator with an Amway Distributor.

Never give an Amway Distributor the slightest hint that you may be interested.

Never give your cell phone number to an Amway Distributor.

If he texts you, don’t return the text.

Never text the Amway Distributor.

Never give your email or website name to an Amway Distributor (if you have one).

If an Amway Distributor recommends a YouTube video to watch, watch something else.

If an Amway Distributor won’t take no for an answer, threaten him through cyber bullying.

If he still won’t take no for an answer, block him on Facebook.

If he still won’t take no for an answer, hack his Facebook and email accounts.

Never get caught in a chat room with an Amway Distributor.

Never like or share anything on Facebook with the Amway Distributor.

 

 

Actual Craigslist ad placed by a Marine PFC asking for help

marine-pfcHere’s an actual ad that a US Marine PFC placed on Craigslist.

 

Wanted: Single female looking for a husband. White, black, red, yellow, fat, skinny or medium. It does not matter. Looks – don’t matter. Age – 18 to 45. We don’t need to love each other. Benefit – a Government check every month. Please answer this ad and get me the hell out of this frickin barracks.

Requirement: No unsolicited services or offers.

post id: 1421546914   posted: 2 hours ago   email to friend

 

What do Google and Sex have in common?

google-algorithmA tougher algorithm than Google

A web designer told his girlfriend that he was going to write a blog post on his website entitled, “We’ll have sex if I get on Google’s front page.”

Then, he pleaded with his girlfriend. “How about it? If I can get my website on Google’s front page, will you agree to this?”

His girlfriend said, “If you think Google’s algorithm is tough, you’ve seen nothing yet. My algorithms are much tougher.”

How to survive animal attacks

If you want to know how to survive an animal attack, it depends on the animal that attacks you.

how-to-survive-animal-attacks-bears

Bear

First, you can try making friends with it, but don’t count on it. You can roll yourself into in a ball, roll on the ground towards the bear, and you may appear to be threatening. The bear might think you’re crazy, and this may scare it away, but again, don’t get your hopes up.

 

 

 

 

how-to-survive-animal-attacks-sharksSharks

First, when you get into the water, make sure you don’t have any cuts or wounds. Otherwise, it will tear your ass up. Try thumping it on the nose. If this doesn’t help, thump it in the balls.

 

 

 

how-to-survive-animal-attacks-wolvesWolves

Since the wolf is a canine, like your lovable dog, it may have a little love in its blood, but this is unlikely. Try throwing a stick, hoping it will fetch it. Then run like hell. Don’t ask it to lick you on the cheek. Otherwise, it may do it with two exceptions – with its teeth, and on another part of your body. By the way, these same methods also apply it you’re attacked by a coyote.

 

 

 

how-to-survive-animal-attacks-geeseGeese

If you see one goose, just ignore it, and think to yourself, “If I don’t bother it, it won’t bother me.” But if it starts chasing you, there’s nothing you can do. Run like hell. If a flock of geese chase you, you’re screwed.

 

 

 

 

how-to-survive-animal-attacks-waspsWasps

Now a wasp will probably not bother you if you don’t bother it. Ignore it, and it is very unlikely it will sting you. If you run into a temperamental fellow, and get stung, chew some tobacco and spit on the wound.

 

 

 

 

how-to-survive-animal-attacks-snakesSnakes

Like the wasp, a snake is not likely to bother you if you don’t bother it. There are three ways to survive a snake attack. The first is, don’t piss it off. The second is, if you see a snake, get the hell away. Finally, stay out of the blackberry bushes. Buy your blackberries at Publix. It’s a lot safer.

 

 

how-to-survive-animal-attacks-crocodilesCrocodiles

Sorry Pal. Your time has come. All you can do is run as fast as you can. You can try holding its mouth closed, which will disable the crock. Eventually, you’ll get tired of holding its mouth. Unfortunately, the crock won’t get tired until it gets its revenge.

How does it feel when you meet your soulmate?

soulmateFinding your soul mate is like reading a good book

There are three kinds of people you will meet during your lifetime.

The first kind of person is a skimmer. He or she will run their fingers through your index and go straight to the parts that arouse them and peak their interest. Then, after a while, they will get bored, and go elsewhere for more knowledge.

The second kind you meet will take his or her time. They will go to every one of your chapters in detail. They will mark each one that especially arouse them. Finally, they will have the desire to go elsewhere for more knowledge.

You will definitely meet the first two kinds of people. This is a guarantee.

The third person is someone you will probably meet as well. He or she will finish every sentence, word for word. This will take a long time. They don’t want to go elsewhere for more knowledge. They have discovered a knowledge base that will last the rest of their life. Also, he or she will keep the book. What’s strange is,

You will never see this person coming.

No messages – Pisses men off

 

no-messagesWhat pisses a man off more than anything? Here’s the answer.

He finally gets the date with the girl he’s always wanted to go out with. This is the girl of his dreams. Then, the day before the date, he emails her, and texts her, and she does not return his messages. Even more frustrating is, on the day of the date,

HE GETS NO MESSAGES.

3 Ways To Prepare For This Week’s Brutal Snow

snow

In a situation like this, you’re likely to be caught with your pants down. Nature will take its course, no matter what the weather. If you eat, it happens. Just make sure you have plenty of this stuff on hand. If you don’t, you’re in big trouble.

snow

When the weather is cold outside, and you’re stranded, you can go stir crazy. But if you don’t give a damn, you’ll be better off. Also, it’ll be very hard to stay warm. If you want to solve both of these problems, and kill two birds with one stone, have plenty of this stuff on hand.

snow

Finally, there’s probably not going to be much to do. The power will be off, so you can’t watch TV. You can play with your smart phone, but eventually it will die, and you won’t be able to re-charge it. You can’t play on the computer. You can’t listen to music. But if you need something to do to pass the time, this will accommodate you. Need I say more?

There you have it. Stay clean, stay loose, feel good and have fun. I think this covers everything.

It’s great to be Italian, but sometimes it can really be a big PAIN IN THE ASS

Italian-Fig-CookiesI’m very proud to be Italian. I’ve been one since the day I was born (NO KIDDING). But if you know how to do something that other Italians don’t know how to do, this is where the pain in the ass part comes in.

Christmas Cookies – An Italian Tradition

Christmas Cookies are a tradition to many people. We Italians have never claimed to have the monopoly on this. However, we have something unique – The Italian Fig Cookies, also known as Cudiatti’s.

You can try Googling Cudiatti’s, but I don’t think you’ll find them. If you want to know what they look like, see the picture above. If you want to know what they taste like, I’d suggest you become my newest best friend. I think this is a friendship you’ll like, because they are very, very delicious. And I made 20 dozen a week before Christmas, as I do every year. The reason I make so many is because I like to give them to friends.

Italian Fig CookiesThis year, I did something different. My nephew took a picture of me while making these delicious Italian Fig Cookies. A few minutes later, I posted it on Facebook. I thought my friends would get a kick out of this. I received over 200 comments, most of which I’ve deleted. Other Italian men I’ve known for years commented:

Bring me some

I want some of your cookies

I still haven’t gotten my cookies

Where are the cookies

I want some of your cookies

The list of comments like these was endless. If anyone wanted any of my cookies, all they had to do was come get them.

I knew everyone who asked for cookies. Some had been good friends over the years. For the first 20 comments, I replied back and said,

They’re here. All you have to do is come get them.

Then, I gave them my address by private message. Unfortunately, I never heard from any of them again. After a few days, I just deleted the comments requesting cookies.

Don’t misunderstand me. As I said earllier, I’m not stingy when it comes to my cookies. But if I’d taken the time to bring cookies to everyone who asked for them, I would have had just as big a job as Santa Clause. Oh well, maybe not quite as big.

In Italian Families, women are the bakers

I learned to make these Italian Fig cookies about 17 years ago. My grandmother had just passed away, and my mother didn’t want to make them anymore. A year after she passed, I was determined to learn how to make them.

This is unusual. Generally speaking, Italian men don’t make cookies. They wouldn’t know where to start. However, there are a few men who do it. Most leave it up to the women. But I said to myself, 17 years ago, “If I want fig cookies, I’d damn well better learn how to make them.

The rest is history. I’ve make them every year since, and have loved every minute of it

By the way, if you’d like the recipe, contact us, and I’ll send it to you. But let me caution you. They’re not easy to make.

Will the move to NBC be a challenge for Megyn Kelly?

Megyn Kelly signs off at Fox News for the last time
Megyn-Kelly

When Megyn Kelly goes to NBC from Fox News, word is out that she’ll host a daytime show and Sunday news magazine program.

Working with daytime crew –  a test for Megyn Kelly?

The move to NBC from Fox News is going to make Megyn Kelly the highest paid female journalist.

Having her own daytime show will not be much of a test. However, the possibility of working with the $28 million dollar man, Matt Lauer might be a different matter. Can you imagine the professional jealousy that would go on between these two?

Suppose she had to work with Al Roker. For as long as I can remember, this guy has been suffering from diarrhea of the mouth ever since he first appeared on TV. He’s pissed off more people than Diurex. In fact, I live in a State which was one of two states he’d never visited, until recently. I was informed, from a very reliable source, that Mr. Roker stated that he had “no intention of visiting this state“. Did this piss off some people I know? You damn right it did. Whether true or not, the fact remains that Al Roker should think before he speaks.

I don’t think the move to NBC will phase Megyn Kelly one bit. But it certainly will be a challenge for Al Roker and Matt Lauer. These two may have finally met their match.