Merjeo by Charlie

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Goodbye Matt Lauer, and don’t let the door hit you in the butt

matt-lauer
matt-lauerIt’s funny how the people at NBC are devastated by the firing of Matt Lauer. Ann Curry probably isn’t devastated, considering the possibility that Matt Lauer may have gotten her fired.

I can understand why the people at NBC considered him a friend. When someone makes $25 million a year, it’s easy to think of them as a friend.

Matt Lauer is gone. Now if NBC can get Al Roker out as well, it will be a happy year for a lot of people.

Did Angie Dickinson predict this year’s Iron Bowl football game?

Was Angie Dickinson psychic when she told Frank Sinatra that Auburn beat Alabama by 12 points in the Iron Bowl?

History of the Iron Bowl

In the history of the game between Auburn and Alabama, known as the Iron Bowl, Auburn had never won the game by 12 points until this year. Before Auburn man-handled the Tide, the only game in the series that was decided by 12 points was won by Alabama in 1903 by the score or 18 to 6. That game was played in Highland Park, Montgomery. I think it is accurate to say that Brad Nessler and Gary Danielson did not announce the game. I don’t even think the game was on television. Was television even invented then?

iron-bowl-ralph-shug-jordanIt wasn’t even called the Iron Bowl then. It was, however, known as the Iron Bowl when Angie made her prediction. Auburn coach, Ralph “Shug” Jordan invented the name, Iron Bowl, because the game was played in Birmingham, AL every year.

Auburn wanted to move the game to their campus every other year because Birmingham was like a home game for Alabama. Unfortunately, in the late 50’s, Alabama Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant wanted the advantage, and took the matter to the State Legislature. Bryant pulled a lot of underhanded stuff like this, which is why his 323 wins was tainted. He hated Auburn, and he hated anyone he couldn’t beat, especially Texas and Notre Dame. Auburn finally won this battle. The first game played in Auburn was in 1989, when Auburn beat an undefeated Alabama team by the score of 30 to 20.

By the way, the movie in which Angie made this prediction is “Ocean’s 11”, a 1960 Rat Pack classic.

Whether Angie Dickinson was psychic or not, it doesn’t matter to me. I’m always happy to see Auburn beat Alabama. They don’t have the “Bear” to bail them out anymore.

I have heard, from at least 3 sources, that Angie Dickinson attended Auburn University. However, I don’t know for sure if this is true.

iron-bowl

Cemetery lots & graves are private property – Can be cited for trespassing

cemetary-grave

Email from Merjeo Reader:

Dear Merjeo,

A little over 7 years ago, my wife passed away from lung cancer.

She had a brother who was married to a real bitch. Several years ago, before we were married, his wife treated my future wife like a dog. After we were married, I put a stop to this immediately. This was what my wife asked me to do, and I had her blessing.

While we were married, she tried to interfere in our marriage several times, but we stopped it right away. Finally, she gave up and left us alone.

About a year ago, she sent a private message on Facebook to one of my siblings with the following picture attached (without the red circle).

cemetary

She also said in the message that she glued this figurine of an angel to my wife’s foot stone. My wife loved angels.

If someone other that her had done this, I probably would have called them and thanked them. However, based on the way she treated my wife over the years, I have no doubt she did it for spite, and sent the message to “rub it in”. When I found out about this, I called her and politely asked her to remove it. Her response was “GO TO HELL!”, and she hung up.

A few days later, I went to my wife’s grave to remove it. What I saw pissed me off royally. First, the figuring was broken and looked as if it was run over by a lawn mower. I pulled it up and threw it in the woods behind the cemetery. Then, I took a picture of the foot stone. Here’s what it looked like.

cemetary-grave

Apparently, she went back to the grave and re-glued the figuring with liquid nails, which is almost impossible to remove. This broke my heart. I thought the foot stone, which cost $1,600, was ruined.

I can’t believe people can be so cruel. She wouldn’t leave my wife alone when she was alive, and she’s still bothering her even in the grave. What can I do about this?


Response from Merjeo:

liquid-nailsYou’re absolutely right. This is as cruel as someone can get.

First, I’m not an attorney. However, I forwarded your email to an attorney friend, with your permission, of course. Here’s what he suggested.

A cemetery lot and grave are private property. Damage to your wife’s grave is no different from damage to your house. That comes under the area of vandalism. Your former sister-in-law could be cited for trespassing and face criminal charges.

Here’s what you should do. Go back to the grave, call 911 on your smart phone and ask the dispatch to send a police officer there. When he arrives, explain to him what happened, and ask for a police report. He won’t turn you down. In a few days, you can get a copy of the report from the local police department.

Finally, call your sister-in-law and tell her what you’ve done. Even though she admitted wrong doing, and may be a real bitch, she still deserves the benefit of the doubt. Tell her to fix the problem, or pay you for another foot stone, or else, you’ll file criminal charges against her.


Follow up Email from Merjeo Reader:

Dear Merjeo,

I did exactly what you suggested. When I called her, I was polite. Again she said, “GO TO HELL!”, and hung up. I decided to wait about a week to see what would happen. Then, I went back to my wife’s grave, and the liquid nails had been removed, most likely, by a professional. The foot stone looked like the figurine was never there.

I hope this costed her a pretty penny.

Lifetime Movies are great, but not quite like real life

Lifetime Movies are good movies. However, the older movies on the LifeTime Movie Network are much better than the newer ones.

lifetime-movies

Ashley Jones in “Dead at 17”

6 reasons LifeTime Movies are not like Real Life

• Most, if not all of the things that happen in LifeTime Movies could never happen in real life.

• The movies follow a pattern. Someone who is up to no good comes into the life a person, and / or, a person’s family. Suddenly, bad things start to happen over and over again. Anyone who can’t figure out that the person is up to no good is a moron.

• In most of the LifeTime Movies, the villain prefabricates an affair, usually by the husband of the victim family, that never happened. Right away, the wife believes it, without listening to an explanation, and throws his ass out of the house. Usually, the explanation is, “This is NOT TRUE!”

• All LifeTime Movies have a happy ending. They all end with a potential deadly confrontation between the villain and the victim(s), and the villain is either killed or arrested. Let’s be realistic. In Real Life, there is not always a happy ending.

• After the nightmare is over, the wife apologizes to her husband for not believing him. In real life, the husband would probably say, “Screw you, Bitch! I need someone who has more faith in me!”

• Finally, everyone in the movies either went to Whittendale College, or wanted to go there. I tried Googling Whittendale, and got search results for fictional colleges. I still haven’t found out whether Whittendale exists or not. I don’t think anyone really knows.

The advantage of buying pants on sale

pants

Do you buy your pants on sale?

If so, that’s a good thing, . . .

Because at my house, . . .

They’re 100 percent off.

The secret of the long life – Learn from the Turtle

turtleThe rabbit spends his whole life running and jumping. He lives about 8 years.

The dog runs and plays. He lives for about 15 years.

People do all of these, and many live a very active lifestyle. They live for about 80 years.

The turtle does nothing but eat, sleep and shit. He lives for 150 years.

Now tell me. Where did we go wrong?

We can all learn a lesson from the turtle.

What do you do when your mind tells you you’re tired

tiredOne of the worst feelings in the world is when you mind tells you that you’re tired. You’re sleepy. You are so tired and sleepy that you feel you can barely make it home.

Finally, you make it home. You get into that bed like you’ve wanted to do for the last half hour.

Then your body tells you,

“You’re full of shit!”

What’s in the can

Help me figure out something.

If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs, meteor showers, nuclear warfare and chemical warfare, . . .

cockroaches

What in the HELL is in this can?

No more junk food – Doctor’s orders

junk-foodMy Doctor told me to start eating healthy. He specifically said, “No more junk food!”

This was no problem. Immediately, I started eating all of the junk food in the house.

After about 3 days, the junk food was gone.

No longer a problem. The temptation is gone. I ate it.

Going to the Bathroom takes on different meaning

bath-roomI decided to call my bathroom by a different name. Instead of John, I’m now calling my bathroom Jim.

This way, I can tell people when I’ve been to the bathroom, and not worry about what their reaction will be, not that I should care anyway.

When they ask me what I did this morning, I just say,

“I went to the Jim.”

Sounds logical to me.

Older people at weddings used to drive me crazy

weddings

For years, every time I attended a wedding, at least two or three old people would come up to me, poke me and say,

“You’re Next”

This was a little annoying. I found a way to get back at them. I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

The other white meat

white-meat

 

I noticed this sign behind the bar in a restaurant, shortly after I ordered the Chicken Tenders.

Holy Shit !

How I turned into a Bitch

I didn’t turn into a Bitch overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off and Alcohol to get this good at it.
bitch

Decisions . . Decisions . .Decisions . . Decisions . .How to make them easier

Question: Of the 3, which one looks the best?

Answer: YES!

decisions

My Ex-Girlfriend’s Mother

ex-girlfriendEmail from Merjeo Reader:

Dear Merjeo,

My ex-girlfriend’s mother really got pissed off at her daughter. She said that her daughter didn’t treat me right, and she wanted to show me how a man should be treated. What should I do?


Response from Merjeo:

If you have to ask me this question, you need help. I think I know why her daughter is now your Ex-Girlfriend.

Sex isn’t everything, but most people LOVE IT!

Did you ever crave someone, not just for the sex, but for their touch, kiss, voice, or even, just their presence?
sex

Flo the Progressive Girl & Josephine the Plumber – Related?

BS or NOTTwo all time most popular women on commercials could be related?

Everyone knows Flo the Progressive Girl. She is cute, popular, and the most successful girl on a TV commercial.

Do you remember Josephine the Plunber? She was the sweet lady on the Comet Clenser commercial, during the 1960’s and early 1970’s. She is still alive and kicking at the age of 91.

These two successful and beloved characters have something in common. Besides being the two most popular ladies on TV commercials, suppose I told you that they have something else in common.

Flo the Progressive Girl - Josephine the Plumber

Flo is is a comically sincere, post-modern Josephine the Plumber who sincerely wants to help people solve a problem. When Josephine was popular, Flo admired her so, and wanted to follow in her footsteps. This is exactly what she is doing now, and has been doing for the last 9 years.

Why would Flo admire Josephine so much and want to follow in her footsteps? Simple. Josephine is her grandmother.

Is this BS or NOT? You Decide

What if you get held up with no cash? No problem! Some thieves now take credit cards

credit-thiefThe other day, I went to the Dollar Tree to buy a whole bunch of stuff, but ended up buying 4 things.

I didn’t have any cash, so I said to the cashier, “I feel funny using my debit card for such a small purchase. Is it all right?” She said, “That’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

Held up with no cash – You’re screwed

Then I said to her, “I never carry cash. I always use my debit card. If I am ever held up by a robber, I would be in big trouble.”

Suddenly, I was in a crazy, and joking mood, so I continued by saying, “Of course, it is my understanding that most thieves today will take plastic. They will take a debit or a credit card, and give you time to go to the teller machine and get the money. It wouldn’t surprise me if, in the very near future, thieves will tell you to stick ’em up, and then allow you time to go to the bank, and take out a loan to finance the robbery.”

BS or NOTThieves may ask for a credit reference in the future

Who knows? By this time next year, thieves may run credit checks on people they’re trying to rob. If their credit is approved, they’ll say, “Stick ’em up.” If their credit is declined, they’ll leave and go on to their next customer. Most likely, a thief wouldn’t kill you if your credit is declined. Most thieves are not necessarily killers. They just want your money. However, if you’re ever in this situation, don’t assume this is true. Get the hell out of there, as far away as you can, and as fast as you can.

I wouldn’t be surprised if many thieves don’t even load their gun on a job. And I’d almost bet the farm that he’s not going to report anyone’s bad credit to TransUnion, Experian or Equifax.

Armed robbery is against the law. But to thieves, it’s a business. They too want to stay in the black, and they’re also being hit by the economic crunch.

credit repair

 

Are you ready for Tailgate Season, 2017?

tailgate-season

 

Tailgate Season will be here in a little more than a week.

Some people will say, “Screw the Football Game. It’s just a good excuse to get together, party, drink and have a good time.”

But just in case you are looking forward to the football games, this is going to be a fantastic season.

What is your favorite team?

tailgate-season

 

Women get a bad rap. It’s sad, and it’s very unfair.

womenWhen a man refuses to do something he should do, people will say he has integrity.

When a woman refuses, people say that she’s temperamental.

Put another way, when the man acts this way, he is labeled a stud, or a macho man. You very seldom hear about the man being labeled a bastard.

When the woman does it, she is labeled a bitch.

This is so very unfair to women because without them, the world would not be worth living in.

Not sure what it means to be a Best Friend?

best-friend

 

I have had many best friends during my lifetime. But this is very depressing.

I can’t remember the time when I was someone else’s best friend.