Merjeo by Charlie

Funny, Wild, Crazy Stories

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Going to the Bathroom takes on different meaning

bath-roomI decided to call my bathroom by a different name. Instead of John, I’m now calling my bathroom Jim.

This way, I can tell people when I’ve been to the bathroom, and not worry about what their reaction will be, not that I should care anyway.

When they ask me what I did this morning, I just say,

“I went to the Jim.”

Sounds logical to me.

Older people at weddings used to drive me crazy

weddings

For years, every time I attended a wedding, at least two or three old people would come up to me, poke me and say,

“You’re Next”

This was a little annoying. I found a way to get back at them. I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

The other white meat

white-meat

 

I noticed this sign behind the bar in a restaurant, shortly after I ordered the Chicken Tenders.

Holy Shit !

Decisions . . Decisions . .Decisions . . Decisions . .How to make them easier

Question: Of the 3, which one looks the best?

Answer: YES!

decisions

Sometimes, a man has to cry

Over the years, the man has always been the stronger of the two genders. He has to be strong for his lady when things are not good. But sometimes, even a man can’t help himself, and has to cry.
cry
 
cry

The life story of the Bored Bear

“Sometimes I wonder if there’s more to life than eating honey, chasing people who don’t mind their own business, stealing picnic baskets and sleeping all damn winter!”
bored-bear

Damn this! I’m just spinning my wheels

spinning-wheels

 

 

“I can’t seem to find the Over Baked Lays . . .”

Charlie Brown says . . . .

charlie-brown

 
 
 
 

“I thought being in love was supposed to make you happy…”

When you see a woman, what do you look at first?

woman

 

The first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart.

The fact that her tits are in front of her heart is

NOT THE MAN’S FAULT.

Teachers – ‘Please’ – have not changed. One thing has changed

teachers-please

Do you remember when you were in grade school? You probably had to be polite to your teacher. If you asked her for something, you had to say the word, Please. If you didn’t, you would not get what you asked for, and you would be punished.

Things are a little different today. The magic word, Please, is still the same today as it was when you were younger.

The only thing that has changed is WHAT YOU WANT.

The aftermath of making love

making-love

 

This is what a girl looks like when her partner’s penis is still hard after they’ve just finished making love.

How’s this for a motorcycle mechanic?

mechanic

 

If this were my mechanic, . . .

My Bike would be in the shop all the time.

Big Stupid Question of the Day

One of my Facebook friends has a ‘Post Category’ which he calls, “BSQotD” or “Big Stupid Question of the Day”. In this category, which he posts 3 or 4 times a week, he asks a question that no one would think of asking themselves. He always gets over 100 comments. It’s a really cool post, and one I look forward to seeing.

A few days ago, the question was, “Name something you’ve done that you’re reasonably sure no other listener has done.” Here’s the post, and my comment:

big-stupid-question-of-the-day

Within 30 minutes, I got 10 Facebook Friend Requests from some of the most beautiful women I’ve seen on Facebook.

The best sex you can possibly have !!!

best-sex

Have you ever wondered what is the ultimate, best sex? It’s very simple.

The best sex you can possibly have is usually . . .

with the person you shouldn’t be screwing in the first place.

The next best thing to drinking your own piss

drinking-piss

 

“When I have a hard time drinking my own piss, . . .

Samuel Adams Beer with Helium is the next best thing.”

Facts about women who drink too much wine

women-who-drink-wine

 

Fact No. 1: When a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases her chances of having a stroke.

Fact No. 2: If you leave her alone and let her finish the bottle, she’ll probably suck it as well.

What it’s like to take a Selfie during Sex

selfie-during-sex

 

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if your partner takes a selfie during sex?

“You were giving me oral sex, and you were tied up. Then, you saw the flash.”

“I can’t wait to see what your next move will be!”

Flown United lately? Here’s a good attorney to call

This is not an advertisement, but …

United-Mike Slocumb

If you ever fly United, have this guy’s website and phone number. He’s a good attorney.

Here’s one of Mike’s commercials:

When you die, what will you have written on your headstone?

headstoneWhen a person dies, it is customary to have the person’s name engraved on the headstone.

Suppose the deceased decides to to have his last words engraved on the headstone instead of his name.

If you decide to do this, what would be on your headstone?

How to get an A on your essay, the easy way, if you’re still in school

essayI’m taking a writing course at one of the local colleges. The professor gave us an assignment to write a 2,000 word essay.

I’m happy to say that I got an “A” on this essay. Now, only 1,999 words to go.

I thought I’d discovered the secret to immortality – I was just a kid

immortalityImmortality – There for the taking – So I thought

I remember it clearly. It was a hot, sunny, summer day. My Mom was hanging clothes outside on the clothes line. I was standing in the doorway, talking crazy stuff to her as children often do.

I don’t know what led to our conversation. Something having to do with eating collard greens came up. My Mom said to me, “You won’t grow up to be big and strong unless you eat your collard greens.”

I tried to reply as best I could by saying, “So, to grow up, I have to eat my collard greens?”

Mom said, “Yes, you have to eat healthy stuff like collard greens to grow up!”

Even more confused, I asked, “So if I stop eating collard greens, I won’t grow up?”

“That’s right!”, Mom said.

All I could think to say was “So if I stop eating collard greens, I won’t get old and die, and I’ll live forever?”

It took Mom almost a week to convince me to eat anything. That’s when I knew I just thought I’d discovered the secret to immortality.