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10 ways to drive people around you totally insane


1. When someone asks you to do something, no matter what it is, ask, “What would you like to drink with that?”


2. Every time you write a check, write in the Memo Field, “For Cocaine.”


3. When you ride an elevator with someone you are with, point to them and ask, “Would you like to pull my finger?”


4. If you are out shopping with your wife, briefly separate yourself from her. Then, walk up to her, casually, and say, “I’ve been watching you from the other side of the store. You’re cute. Would you like to go some place where we can be alone and just make out?”


5. When you eat in a restaurant, and the waitress asks what you want to drink, tell her, with a serious face, “I’d like diet water please.”


6. The next time you get stuck in a elevator, and there are other people in there, act like you are having a highly emotional panic attack.


7. When someone takes your fast food order from the drive through window, say to them, “This order’s to go.”


8. You’re standing in line at at bank, or anywhere there is a lot of people around. Suddenly, you see a very good friend in the line. This is someone you trust, someone with a sense of humor, and someone you have joked with many times. Hit your hand with the fist from your other hand, and say to him, “It’s time we finished this once and for all. Come on.”


9. When someone invites you to a party, call them three days in advance and say, “I’m sorry. I won’t be able to attend your party. I have a headache.”


10. Call a theater that only shows pornographic movies (xxx-rated) and ask, “What’s the price of admission for children?”


BONUS Here’s one more, as an added bonus. When you go to a drugstore to buy condoms, ask the clerk, “Where’s the fitting room?”

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