Put on a Rollin Stones CD, Listen to it with headphones, Turn the volume up full blast, and finally, drink a 12 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer.
Diplomacy is telling someone to GO TO HELL, after which they are very excited about making the trip.
She came to me and said she was pregnant, and I was the father. I said, "Sweetie, if I'm the father, we are going to be the two richest people who ever lived. And I have some beach front property out in the desert I want to sell you." 15 years before I met her, I had a vasectomy.
Most likely, a mansion in town, a massive house on the beach and a million dollars in the bank.
Last Saturday, about midnight, my boyfriend and I were riding around, and we were both horny. We stopped at the first place we could. It was an exclusive Country Club. We 'got it on' in the sand trap on the 18th hole. What an experience! Everything was going great, until someone shouted at us, "Hey, what's going on there?" Believe it or not, it was another couple that had the same idea.
Are you a factory before the advent of workplace standards, because I wanna put some kids in you?
A few nights ago, my wife and I were making love. I was ready to reach a climax. About 2 seconds before it happen, she laid the biggest fart I've ever heard in my life. So much for being turned on!
When someone gets in the way, you have to say to a child, "Say excuse me!" To an adult, you would say, "Tell him to get the hell out of your way!"
I am in a family that people once considered a dysfunctional family. 2 years ago, one of the siblings decided he wanted nothing to do with the rest of the family. Since then, we have not been a dysfunctional family. What's dysfunctional, the family or the person who makes it that way?
I ran into an old acquaintance yesterday. This guy was not really a good friend. He is just someone I once knew. When he saw me, he bluntly said to me, "You know, I never really liked you that much." I stared at him for a few minutes and said to him, "THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS!"
You need a license to drive a car, own a gun and many more things. What do you think of the idea of needing to take some type of test and getting a license to have and raise kids?
When I was a young boy, a few years ago, I remember discovering Leonardo da Vinci's majestic†Mona Lisa†while browsing through a collection†of the master's works. It was my 1st time laying eyes on her. The beauty before me, well it... aroused something in me. It gave me a ... ROCK HARD [CENSORED]
This is no joke even though it sounds like it but - about a week ago, I was having sex with this chick at my parents house and a baseball mitt flew off the dresser across the room and hit us. I seriously think it was someone telling us to stop. It didn't stop us though. We both went all the way.