How to survive an animal attack

When faced with an animal attack, it's important to stay calm and assess the situation.

How you react depends on the animal that attacks you. For example, if you encounter a bear, it's best to slowly back away while making yourself look bigger and louder. If you encounter a snake, it's important to stay still and avoid sudden movements.

Knowing how to react in these situations can mean the difference between life and death.

The main thing is, don't piss him off. Most animals want to be left alone. Unfortunately, if you don't piss him off, and the animal still wants to attack you, you're screwed.

Bear

If you are attacked by a bear, start praying right away. He's about to tear you to pieces.

One thing you can do is roll over on the ground and pretend you're having a panic attack (pretend, HELL!). This might make the bear think you're crazy, and it might scare him off. However, I wouldn't count on it.

Another possibility is, you can try making friends with him. But again, don't get your hopes up.

There is one final option. If you have any food on you, you can give it to him, thinking he will get what he wants and not attack you. But the problems is, he will not leave until the food is gone, and you are on the menu.

Wolf

The only good thing about a wolf, as far as being attacked, is that he's a canine, just like your loveable dog.

Your dog may be man's best friend, but I seriously doubt if this applies to the wolf. Your dog will lick you on the face very affectionately. The wolf will lick you somewhere else, and use his teeth instead of his tongue.

One thing you could do is try getting him to fetch a stick. If he goes after it, then you run as fast as you can.

The same principles apply to the coyote.

Shark

The only way to survive a shark attack is, stay out of the ocean. Otherwise, there's nothing you can do to prevent it because he has his own agenda.

There are two possibilities. First, you and grab him on the top of his head with one hand, and below the mouth with the other, hoping to hold his mouth shut. But you will have to do this for a long time, and you will eventually drown.

Another alternative is, you can try thumping him in the genital area.

If you want to swim, swim in a lake. There are no sharks, just snakes.

Geese

I've been attacked by geese before, and let me tell you, it's no fun. Those guys mean business.

When you see a flock geese, you might think nothing of it. But then, all of a sudden, they will start chasing you. And then, look out. There's nothing you can really do except, run as fast as you can. I mean fast, because you will have a hard time out running them. Good Luck!

Spider

It's amazing how such a small creature can cause so much damage.

When you see a spider, you will probably think nothing of it.

Even if he bites you, you may still not be that concerned about it. You might think you can just shake if off. But in a few days, you will have problems.

You'll start swelling up, wondering what the cause is. Then, in a few more days, you'll be dead.

Wasp

A wasp is not likely to attack you.

The thing to remember about a wasp is, if you don't bother him, he won't bother you.

But if you're an ego maniac, and decide to take a swipe at him, you've just burned a bridge. He will come after you.

The main thing to remember about wasps is, don't piss them off.

Snake

A snake is like a wasp. If you don't bother him, he won't bother you.

But again, if you want to try to show him up, look out. He will attack you. Unlike the spider, who will kill you slowly, the snake willl kill you fast.

Poisonous snakes will usually mind their own business, unless provoked. Don't mess with them, and they won't mess with you.

Crocodile

Sorry Pal! Your time has come.

There's nothing you can do about it.

Of course, if you want to try something as a last resort, there are two things you could do.

First, you could try holding his mouth closed. This will disable him. But after a while, you will get tired of holding his mouth. Unfortunately, he won't get tired of waiting for you to get tired.

Second, you could put your hand in his mouth and pull his teeth out.