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If only you could read my mind

read-my-mindIf you could read my mind, . . .

I’m pretty sure you would be like I am right now.

You’d either be

Traumatized

Sexually Aroused

OR BOTH

You’re the only person in the world. The other World Population just actors.

world-populationAs of December, 2017, the total world population was 7.6 billion people.

As far as your place in the world is concerned, you are the only one here. All of the other people in the world are just actors. Their place is to watch you struggle with life, and laugh their asses off.

Don’t let the World Population discourage you

You’re not alone. This is going on with the rest of the world population.

Here’s what’s happening. There are 7.6 billion people in the world. Consequently, there are 7.6 billion worlds.

For every person in the world, there is another world for them in which they are the only real person, and the remaining people are actors.

You are one of the actors in each of the 7.6 billion worlds, watching the only person in that world struggle with life, and laughing your ass off. You don’t know it now, but you will one day.

Is this BS or NOT? You Decide.

But this may not be BS. We will have the answer one day. All of the pieces will come together.

Welcome to the Merjeo Twilight Zone!

The ability to Bull Shit – A program soon to be offered by Colleges

BS or NOTThe ability to Bull Shit is something that can make or break a person.

Most of the successful people in the business world got that way because they are very good at Bull Shitting.

Colleges and Universities teaching courses in Bull Shit

Because the ability to Bull Shit is so valuable, more Colleges and Universities have added special courses to their curriculum.

Presently, courses in Bull Shit are electives. Also, people who have already graduated from college are signing up for these classes for audit rather than credit. There’s nothing like a little continuing education in Bull Shit.

However, some Colleges are considering making these courses required for graduation. The logic behind this decision is, “If you can’t Bull Shit, you’re not going to make it in the real world.”

And then, there are other Colleges and Universities that are thinking about making Bull Shit a major, and/or a minor. Think about it. If you have an MBA from Harvard, with a minor in Bull Shit, you may be on your way to becoming the richest and most successful person in the world.

Finally, if this takes off, Colleges and Universities will offer graduate programs in Bull Shit. There will be many scholars with a Masters Degree, or a PhD in Bull Shit.

Is this Bull Shit or NOT? You Decide.

The case of the confused dog

confused-dogWhen my owner is really talking loud, it confuses me something awful.

I can’t tell if he’s happy or mad.

But I love him anyway.

Your personal FBI agent

fbi-agentWhen I get a new laptop, do I also get a new FBI agent? Or am I with the same FBI agent for life?

Is this the same dude who’s been watching me on the internet since I was 10, browsing on NetScape and surfing on MySpace and FriendFeed?

Does the same apply when I get a new Smart Phone, and is this the same guy who was watching me when I was making calls from my Blackberry?

How to train your dog, when you don’t know how

how-to-train-your-dogThis little guy just got him a new puppy.

He wanted to train it, but didn’t know how. He told his Dad he wanted to train his dog, and asked him for advice.

His Dad told him, “I don’t know how to train a dog. Why don’t you look on the internet. There are lots of YouTube videos that show you how to train a dog.”

The little guy took his Dad’s advice,

In a manner of speaking.

The post of the Naked Mechanic

naked-mechanicEmail from female Merjeo Reader:

Dear Merjeo,

When I saw this picture, I laughed my ass off.

I just had to send it to you. That was the first thing I did when I saw it.

This was the second thing I did:

I went outside, tried to start my car, and prayed that it wouldn’t start.

Guess who just got the new iPhone X, and free?

iphone-x

Hi Charlie,

This is a true story.

Last night, my Buddy and I hit a few bars. We were in the mood, and felt like tying one on, and picking up women.

These two beauties were sitting at the table next to us. As they were about to leave, one of them dropped her smart phone. Being a gentleman, I picked it up and started to give it to her. I gently tapped her on the shoulder, and then she turned around and said,

“I’m sorry. I have a boyfriend. If only you had met me sooner!”

I just got me a brand new iPhone X.

Reliving the Good Old Days

good-old-daysIF YOU GREW UP . . .

  • Eating fried bologna sandwiches,
  • Drinking RC,
  • Playing in the dirt,
  • Getting your butt spanked twice a day – at school and at home,
  • With 3 channels on the TV,
  • With an outside TV antenna for the console TV,
  • With a TV antenna wrapped in aluminum foil on the portable TV,
  • Starting school by saying the Pledge of Allegiance,
  • Having a set bedtime,
  • Riding in the back of a Pickup Truck,
  • Recording songs from a transistor radio to a tape recorder,
  • Drinking water from a hose pipe,
  • Wanting to watch a certain movie, but having to wait till it played at a theater,
  • Staying away from home all day without a missing persons report being filed on you,
  • Excited about taking a picture, and seeing it in 60 seconds,
  • With candy cigarettes in your mouth, pretending to smoke a real cigarette, and finally
  • Afraid to say the word, Sex,

My friend, you have lived.

You’re probably collecting your Social Security.

How it feels to go to a Sleep Study

sleep-studyWell I’m on my way to a sleep study.

This is where they’ll strap sensors to me and put a tube up my nose. I have to spend the night in a strange bed, with a camera pointing at me all night to see if I have trouble sleeping . . .

Oh by the way, I’m sure I’ll have a recurring nightmare of someone at the foot of my bed looking at me . . .

So, a night of being stared at, like I’m the main attraction at a County Fair?

What can possibly go wrong?

I don’t think I want to know the answer to this question.

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