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The life story of the Bored Bear


“Sometimes I wonder if there’s more to life than eating honey, chasing people who don’t mind their own business, stealing picnic baskets and sleeping all damn winter!”


How to plan meals for the day


Damn this! I’m just spinning my wheels




“I can’t seem to find the Over Baked Lays . . .”

Charlie Brown says . . . .



“I thought being in love was supposed to make you happy…”

When you see a woman, what do you look at first?



The first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart.

The fact that her tits are in front of her heart is


Teachers – ‘Please’ – have not changed. One thing has changed


Do you remember when you were in grade school? You probably had to be polite to your teacher. If you asked her for something, you had to say the word, Please. If you didn’t, you would not get what you asked for, and you would be punished.

Things are a little different today. The magic word, Please, is still the same today as it was when you were younger.

The only thing that has changed is WHAT YOU WANT.

The aftermath of making love



This is what a girl looks like when her partner’s penis is still hard after they’ve just finished making love.

How’s this for a motorcycle mechanic?



If this were my mechanic, . . .

My Bike would be in the shop all the time.

Big Stupid Question of the Day

One of my Facebook friends has a ‘Post Category’ which he calls, “BSQotD” or “Big Stupid Question of the Day”. In this category, which he posts 3 or 4 times a week, he asks a question that no one would think of asking themselves. He always gets over 100 comments. It’s a really cool post, and one I look forward to seeing.

A few days ago, the question was, “Name something you’ve done that you’re reasonably sure no other listener has done.” Here’s the post, and my comment:


Within 30 minutes, I got 10 Facebook Friend Requests from some of the most beautiful women I’ve seen on Facebook.

The best sex you can possibly have !!!


Have you ever wondered what is the ultimate, best sex? It’s very simple.

The best sex you can possibly have is usually . . .

with the person you shouldn’t be screwing in the first place.

The next best thing to drinking your own piss



“When I have a hard time drinking my own piss, . . .

Samuel Adams Beer with Helium is the next best thing.”

Facts about women who drink too much wine



Fact No. 1: When a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases her chances of having a stroke.

Fact No. 2: If you leave her alone and let her finish the bottle, she’ll probably suck it as well.

What it’s like to take a Selfie during Sex



Have you ever wondered what it would be like if your partner takes a selfie during sex?

“You were giving me oral sex, and you were tied up. Then, you saw the flash.”

“I can’t wait to see what your next move will be!”